Don Knotts dead at age 81

Don Knotts, who kept generations of TV audiences laughing as bumbling Deputy Barney Fife on "The Andy Griffith Show" and would-be swinger landlord Ralph Furley on "Three's Company," has died. He was 81.

Knotts died Friday night of pulmonary and respiratory complications at the University of California, Los Angeles Medical Center, said Sherwin Bash, his friend and manager.

Griffith, who had visited Knotts in the hospital before his death, said his longtime friend had a brilliant comedic mind and wrote some of the show's best scenes.

"Don was a small man ... but everything else about him was large: his mind, his expressions," Griffith told The Associated Press on Saturday. "Don was special. There's nobody like him.

And hopefully his one bullet will be there with him in that great Mayberry in the sky.

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

I'm not even supposed to be here today. - Dante Hicks

• It's Photoshop Phriday.
  Attack of the modernized classic art.
  


• Getting knocked the f' out...
  ...of the ring even.
  


• Lohan has a crush on Angelina.
  We'd much rather see Lohan and Angelina on tape, but we get Kid Rock and Scott Stap instead. BLECH!!!
  


• Broken hip saves woman from truck crash into bedroom.
  I didn't know Final Destination 4 was filming already.
  


• So I watched the Miami Ink marathon on Monday night. Interesting show. Phenominal artwork. Especially the rendition of 'Rose' from Mark Ryden.
  
  


• Whaddya say?
  
  Thanks Kat.
  

Friday FIREPOWER!

• Man set on fire as Taser hits lighter
  

  A Taser probe pierced the pocket of his khaki shirt -- and ignited the butane lighter inside. Cassidy's pocket exploded in flames.
  
  "The subject," recounted Sgt. Al Tolley in a subsequent report, "immediately dropped the knife."

  Spaceballs the flamethrower, the kids love this one.
  


• Rifle 5.56mm, XM16E1
  

  Operation and Cycle of Functioning TF9-3663 (1966)
  US Army Training Film on the XM16E1 rifle, the first mass-fielded version of the M16 rifle. This is the version with chrome-plated bolt carrier, no trap door in the buttstock, no forward assist, non-chrome-lined chamber, and three-prong flash supressor.

  The future of warefare is now...er, then...
  

Busted.....hah hah.

Claiming that Internet surfers have been using her mug shot for "private sexual gratification," a convicted drug dealer is threatening to sue The Smoking Gun unless her booking photo is removed from our site. So meet Casey Hicks.

She should have said nothing. Once this hit Fark, any chance of her having a 'private' life was over. Think of the kittens.

Ferrari half-off sale!

As fast as it was going, there wasn't much left of an expensive car that hit a power pole Tuesday morning in Malibu, California.

The driver of a red Ferrari Enzo lost control of the exotic car at extremely high speed, and the vehicle disintegrated after hitting the pole.

The driver was able to flee, and police are still looking for him.

His passenger suffered a cut lip.

As for the car -- which was worth as much as a (m) million dollars -- the engine ended up in the highway, and the rest of it was several hundred yards away.

I'm gonna cry...

Well, middle-left doesn't work so good, does it.

Those goats are back, honey -- get the tiger poop

A tiger's roar might be scary, but Australian researchers have found that the predator's poo is just as potent.

Researchers at the University of Queensland said Friday they had successfully tested a tiger poo repellant, warding off wild goats for at least three days.

"Goats wouldn't have seen a tiger from an evolutionary point of view for at least 15 generations but they recognize the smell of the predator," repellent creator Peter Murray said in a statement.

"If we can show this lasts weeks ... we've just tapped into probably a billion-dollar market. It's enormous," he said.

Murray said the repellant, made of fatty acids and sulphurous compounds extracted from tiger excrement, also worked on feral pigs, kangaroos and rabbits and might deter deer, horses and cattle too.

In an average year pest animals cause about A$420 million (US$311 million) worth of agricultural damage in Australia the government has said. Others put the cost in the billions, mostly from European imports such as rabbits, foxes and crop-choking weeds.

I really don't have any comments, just thought this was a funny story. Sometimes human poo scent can drive things away as well. Mountasia no longer exists. :)

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

"No dictator, no invader, can hold an imprisoned population by the force of arms forever. There is no greater power in the universe than the need for freedom. Against that power governments, and tyrants, and armies can not stand. The Centauri learned this lesson once. We will teach it to them again. Though it take a thousand years, we will be free." - G'Kar

• The Long, Twilight Struggle is over.
  
  
  

  Just over a year ago, Andreas Katsulas -- who loved smoking with a passion that cannot be described -- was diagnosed with lung cancer, which by then had already spread to other areas. He quit smoking at once and went on a healthy diet and vitamin program, but there was little hope of a good resolution even though the new regimen was very good for him. When we spoke about it, he laughed, and said, "Now that I'm dying I've never felt better!"
  
  His spirits were always up and positive, putting everyone at ease about his condition, because...well, that's the kind of person he was.
  
  A couple of months ago, he and his wife convened a dinner with me, Doug, and Peter Jurasik, which was filled with laughter and stories and good food. He wanted to know all the stories we never told him because, as he said, "Who am I going to tell?" So we did. Because we knew we were saying goodbye, and there would not be a second chance.
  
  Last night, in the company of his wife and family, Andreas closed his eyes and went away.
  
  He lived an amazing life...full of travel and wonder and good work...was part of the world renowned Peter Brook company...he saw the planet, loved and was loved, ate at great restaurants, smoked too many cigarettes...he lived a life some people would die for.
  
  And, sadly, due to the last part of that equation...he did.
  
  Memorial arrangements are still being worked out, but will doubtless be private.
  
  Andreas is gone...and G'Kar with him, because no one else can ever play that role, or ever will.
  
  I will miss him terribly.
  
  J. Michael Straczynski

  So say we all.
  


• It's Photoshop Phriday!
  You got your kid's cartoons mixed up in my movies.
  


• The Olympics are this week.
  Are you watching? Didn't think so. Except for my wife watching skating. blah.
  


• Spoofing 24 Airplane! style.
  

  "There was one scene where I was scaling the wall of the Chinese embassy and the dart gun in my holster fell out in the dark and went off and shot me in the a** halfway up the wall."

  Surely, you can't be serious. I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.
  


• Fair and balanced reporting.
  Now:
  
  Then:
  
  


• RIAA to CD and iPod owners: Eat This!
  Usenet to RIAA: You missed me bitch!
  


• No monument for Boyington at UW.

  Col. Gregory “Pappy” Boyington was a disturbed young aeronautical engineering student who gave up a promising career marching the Boeing picket lines to shoot down 26 Japanese sightseeing planes over the Pacific, killing everyone on board and traumatizing a plethora of innocent marine life when the crippled aircraft hit the water. It was a matter of great embarrassment to the University at the time, and remains so to this day. Yet Boyington was not only decorated by the U.S. government for his brutal acts of aggression, his three-year reign of terror was also immortalized in the offensively titled TV series, Baa Baa Black Sheep. Boyington never served a day in prison, nor did he ever write a children’s book redeeming himself for his crimes. Instead, he made millions hawking Eveready batteries and writing recruitment propaganda for the military-industrial complex, inspiring future generations of innocent children to follow in his bloody footsteps.
  
  “I don’t believe a member of the Marine Corps is an example of the sort of person UW wants to produce,” said student senator Jill Edwards.
  
  “We don’t need to honor any more rich white males,” Ashley Miller agreed.

  Ah, the future of this country's politics is so bright.
  


• Congress gets Hustler magazine.
  While aptly named for Congress, the content only applies to a select few.
  


• Sonic teenager repellent.
  Methinks CDs from John Denver or Captain and Taneal would do the same.

Friday FIREPOWER!
The SHOT show was earlier this month. This is the shooting industry's equivalent to E3. The latest and greatest products are featured. Check out some of the pictures from the folks at Gunblast.com.

Not Lovin' It

Thanks Rez.

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in?

You scored as SG-1 (Stargate). You are versatile and diverse in your thinking. You have an open mind to that which seems highly unlikely and accept it with a bit of humor. Now if only aliens would stop trying to take over your body. SG-1 (Stargate) 94% Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix) 88% Millennium Falcon (Star Wars) 88% Deep Space Nine (Star Trek) 81% Moya (Farscape) 75% Babylon 5 (Babylon 5) 75% Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica) 69% FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files) 63% Serenity (Firefly) 56% Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda) 44% Enterprise D (Star Trek) 44% Bebop (Cowboy Bebop) 44% Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics) created with QuizFarm.com

Here's your sign.

Seriously though, it was an accident. Harry Whittington is recovering. I swear, sometimes I think the main stream press has nothing better to do than hound the administration over anything. However, remember the forth rule. I don't care what kind of hunting you are doing. If it was anything other than birdshot and a 28 gauge, Mr. Whittington would be needing a new head. If Mr. Whittington would have shot Mr. Cheney, I believe Mr. Whittington would be dead again.

EDIT: Oh yeh, it is Valentine's day. yay.

Mr. Pot, meet Ms. Kettle...er Stone.

LONDON: Actress Sharon Stone is disgusted by the generous display of cleavage on Hollywood's red carpets.

Stone, who appeared nude in such hits as "Basic Instinct" and "Sliver", believes other parts of the naked body are much sexier than breasts. She is surprised by the amount of attention given to breasts, according to contactmusic.com.

She said: "You look around at women's dresses that are so low cut, you can see acres of boobies. Frankly, I find the acres of shoved-up booby so much more horrifying than a calm bit of walking across the room nude."

Of course, on the red carpet, she isn't getting paid and doesn't have access to digital enhancements in post-production. Saucer of milk, table two...rowr...

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

• Happy Valentines Day!
  Photoshop Phriday Star Wars style.


• This week in censorship.
  The Super Bowl edition.


• Warship Gunner 2 is coming!
  One of the best sleeper niche games for the PS2 is finally getting a followup.


• Campbell's Soup: It's Mmmm, Mmmmouse good.
  Maybe they were trying to chase it with Coors?


• Bill Murray stars at Pebble Beach.
  "This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion." - Carl Spackler
  


• 'Soup Nazi' simmers over missing check.
  

  Thomas said he and his Hollywood agent contacted Roper's husband, Stan Roper, several times last year about the delayed payment. At first, they were assured a check would be sent, but after a while, calls and e-mails went unanswered.

  Well there's the problem, he's trying to get money out of the Ropers.


• Looks can be deceiving.
  

Friday FIREPOWER!

• The SIG 556.
  

  No other semi-automatic rifle has captured the imagination of the shooting public like the SG 550 series rifle. For years this legendary Swiss made rifle has been restricted to law enforcement and military sales where it has continuously built on its reputation for outstanding performance, accuracy and durability. Now, SIGARMS® has announced that the time has come for a U.S. made version and introduces the new SIG 556.
  
  The SIG 556 features the same high-performance two position adjustable gas piston operating rod system engineered by SIG’s sister company Swiss Arms and marries it to a trigger housing that not only cuts the rifle’s weight by a pound but is designed to accept standard AR magazines.
  
  Originally developed to work under the extreme situational pressures and environmental conditions of the Swiss Army on alpine duty, the new SIG 556 delivers when it counts regardless of ammunition type and variances in gas pressure or case material.

  
  Great, something else my wife will kill me with when I bring it home.


• What can happen when you mate steel with 20k PSI?
  
  
  What we have here is a failure. Nothing else, just a failure.


• Home invasions are like toilet backups:
  Both are caused by human waste, neither waits for professional intervention before flooding your house with nastiness.
  

Put some BioWillie in your tank.

Country singer Willie Nelson introduced California to "BioWillie," his brand of clean-burning fuel made from soybeans.

BioWillie went on sale Wednesday at an alternative fuel station in San Diego where the 72-year-old singer filled his tour bus from a pump emblazoned with a picture of himself strumming a guitar.

"It is the future," Nelson said. "Through biodiesel, we can reduce dependency on foreign oil and adopt an energy source that's clean renewable and helps family farmers find new uses for their products."

"Putting some Willie in your tank" is not longer a playful term for sex, although they both usually involve grease of some kind.

From the files of LawDog, part I

“Bobby, what the hell are you doing?”

“Well,” he says, scrunching and fidgeting with his gimme hat,“I done murdered Earl, and I thought I might oughta find a doctor for him.”

“Do you realize how fast you were going? All four of these tires are so bald that they’re showing wire, the passenger side front fender is going to fly off in the wind...You did what?”

Bobby’s expression kind of wrinkles up, and he mauls his cap a bit more. “I kilt Earl.”

Oh, God. This I don’t need. I find myself speaking very slowly and carefully, “Bobby, are you sure you killed Earl?”

“We-eeell, I shot him in the face with a shotgun.”

Oh, yeah. That’ll do the trick. I feel a headache tip-toeing it’s
way up my spine with all the dainty grace of a rhino in steeltoed
combat boots.

A collection of short stories about a man and his experiences in and out of law enforcement.

Royal Caribbean orders $1.24Billion Cruise Ship

Royal Caribbean International on Monday ordered the world's largest and most expensive cruise ship, a $1.24 billion vessel that will hold up to 6,400 passengers. It's the latest step in the industry trend of supersizing ships, which delight many passengers but are too crowded for other guests.

The ship, dubbed Project Genesis, will be 220,000 gross registered tons when it is delivered to the world's second-largest cruise operator in fall 2009 by Oslo, Norway-based shipbuilder Aker Yards. Gross registered tons is the standard way to measure a ship's size and is a unit of volume equal to 100 cubic feet.

Unfortunately, the plans for the ship were stolen from Regula 1. Khan sought for questioning.

Super Bowl 40

Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers on their victory over the Seattle Seahawks. It was a very enjoyable game. However, like many folks, I may be there for the game, but I stay for the commercials.

My top three (well, that I saw) commercials of the night were:

1. The Magic Fridge by Budweiser.


2. Hidden Bud Light by Budweiser.


3. Stick by Fed Ex.

EDIT: USA Today has the top advertisements rated.

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

The living are just the dead on holiday - Tom Baker (The best Dr. Who, IMHO)

• It's Photoshop Phriday!
  More Wacky World War 2


• A study about work spouses.
  

  There are many emotional benefits of close workplace relationships modeled after a marriage, the study said. "The 'office spouses' can be more open with each other than they can with their own spouses, and there's no guilt involved," Oldman told the paper.

  And like most real marriages, there is no sex involved.


• A man's guide to pessimism.
  Heh, these guys are lightweight in their thinking.


• Introducing, a new challenger!
  


• In-and-Out burger, 100x100 style.
  I'm thinking these guys were backed up for days.


• A robot that can pour the perfect beer.
  For some reason, get me another beer woman just doesn't hold the same meaning. (thanks to Cobb for this one)


• Mythbusters....Star Wars style.
  I just want to see Kari in the Leia metal bikini. Rowr!


• Authorities seize "bathtub cheese".
  Ew.


• Poll finds men want Alba as girlfriend.
  Just remember, that somewhere, someone is tired of that.


• Taz is dying of cancer.
  

  It is characterised by its black fur, offensive odour, extremely loud and disturbing screech, and viciousness when feeding.

  Sounds like me before and after a trip to La Nop.


• You Are 31 Years Old
  

  Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

  What Age Do You Act?
  
  Sad, there is no crotchety old fart rating, because that would be me. Thanks to Ken for this one.


• You Are a Losing Lottery Ticket!

  Full of hope and promise. But in the end, a cheap letdown.

  What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?
  
  Hmmm, sounds like my wife's critique of our sex life...

Friday FIREPOWER!

• Bringing the .45 back to the military.
  

  After two decades of use, the U.S. Department of Defense is getting rid of its Beretta M9 9mm pistol, and going back to the 11.4mm (.45 caliber) weapon. There have been constant complaints about the lesser (compared to the .45) hitting power of the 9mm. And in the last few years, SOCOM (Special Operations Command) and the marines have officially adopted .45 caliber pistols as “official alternatives” to the M9 Beretta. But now SOCOM has been given the task of finding a design that will be suitable as the JCP (Joint Combat Pistol). Various designs are being evaluated, but all must be .45 caliber and have a eight round magazine (at least), and high capacity mags holding up to 15.

  Now, if they just bring back the 7.62x51 into full service. (thanks to Dad for the story)


• One more for the good....girls...
  

  A female off-duty Richmond police officer put her training into action when three alleged carjackers forced her into her car and attempted to steal it. The incident erupted into a shooting that left one suspect dead and another wounded.
  
  According to the Jersey Village Police Department, three masked men attempted to carjack the off-duty officer in her SUV.
  
  All three of the suspects were armed and got into the car. One suspect pushed her over into the passenger seat.
  
  At that time, authorities said the 22-year-old officer who had been with the department less than six months, pulled out her own gun and her instincts kicked in. Authorities said she shot and killed one suspect and shot another suspect five times.

  When it comes to reaction, training takes over. Muscle memory and training for actions under pressure.


• "She removed a .25-caliber semiautomatic from her vaginal cavity"
  

  A Ross County jail inmate hid a gun so well that not even the guards who did an extensive pat-down found it.
  
  The Cleveland woman hid a loaded handgun inside her body and smuggled it all the way to her jail cell, where it accidentally fired when she was trying to hide it.
  
  "While in the holding cell, she removed a .25-caliber semiautomatic from her vaginal cavity," Chillicothe Police Capt. Tom Hewitt said yesterday.
  
  Victoria Lundy, 41, hid the gun in the toilet-paper holder. It fell to the floor and discharged. The bullet lodged in the ceiling as guards scrambled to quickly recover the weapon, Hewitt said.

  
  I'd hate to see where she hid the Desert Eagle.


• Bullets aren't the only things that ricochet.
  So I was watching Mythbusters on Wednesday night. They are busting the myth of catching a bullet with teeth. The final round of tests were at a police range. They had an automated rig with lexan shields for all of the taped portion shown. The last test shown, after they had busted the myth, was to see what a .357 FMJ would do to real dentures. So, for this one, then decide for some damn reason to not stand behind the shield, just uprange from the shooting. The camera is showing Tori and Kari spectating when the final shot is fired, and Kari gets hit with teeth shrapnel. Incoming fire has the right of way, and shrapnel doesn't know friend from foe. Always shoot safely.

Stock up on those tins of Danish butter cookies.

It looks like the world of Islam has not just called for the boycott of Danish and/or Scandinavian products in the Middle-East, but they are now calling for the arrest of those involved with publishing the likeness of Mohammad. I admire the Danish press for apologizing for offending the religion of Islam, but I admire them more for sticking up for their right to free press. So, buy more butter cookies. If you are a lesbian, stick you finger in a dyke (I keed, I keed). Support the Danish and Scandinavian countries in whatever way you can.

Thanks to Rez for this topic at lunch. :)

UPS man assaulted by middle-schoolers.

A UPS driver was savagely beaten by middle school students while delivering packages in the western suburbs Friday.

The attack happened in Bellwood along the 3200 block of St. Charles. A teenager was arrested Monday after admitting he was involved in the incident. Another juvenile is expected to turn himself in Tuesday to appear in a line-up.

"Somebody clocked me with a pipe. I took kicks from my right. My eyes caked over. I tried to get up and defend myself as best I could," Murphy said.

He was beaten from his head to his ankles.

"I remember being down on one knee, falling to the ground with kids on top of me," Murphy said.

Strength in numbers overcomes the power of Brown this day. Damn you middle schooling whippersnappers!

Run Forrest...er, UPS guy RUN!


EDIT: Happy Birthday Karlo. Ladies, give him a shout. He's single when he isn't busy playing with his putter.