When not to report a theft.

An Iowa man impervious to embarrassment called cops this week to report the theft of a blow-up fashioned to resemble a porn star. According to a Council Bluffs Police Department report (a copy of which you can find below), Trenton Camacho called cops Monday night to report that a "Priority US Mail package" containing his "Jenna Haze Love Doll" had been opened and that the plastic plaything was missing. The box had been left in the common hallway of the apartment complex where the 21-year-old Camacho resides. In a TSG interview, Camacho said that he purchased the $32 item after receiving an e-mail solicitation and did not plan on replacing the stolen goods. Camacho added that he had not previously ordered any blow-up dolls and was not certain what he was going to do with the life-size replica of the popular Haze, who's starred in films like "Big Bottom Sadie" and "Phuk Factor" and was named "Best New Starlet" at the 2003 Adult Video News awards. Online ads describe the Haze doll (click here to see its package) as having "soft, perky breasts" and "sexy silkscreen crotchless panties & she has the tightest holes."

Take the $32 loss and run.

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