Want Superpowers? Try Savage, not Scientology.

The Church of Scientology is reportedly about to unveil a center in Clearwater, Florida specializing in their "Super Power" training program, which trains you in, well, super powers. Shhh! It's secret, and scientific, too:

A key aim of Super Power is to enhance one's perceptions - and not just the five senses we all know - hearing, sight, touch, taste and smell.... Super Power uses machines, apparatus and specially designed rooms to exercise and enhance a person's so-called perceptics. Those machines include an antigravity simulator and a gyroscope-like apparatus that spins a person around while blindfolded to improve perception of compass direction, said the former Scientologists.

A video screen that moves forward and backward while flashing images is used to hone a viewer's ability to identify subliminal messages, they said.

This sounds strangely familiar. Wait! My inhumanly acute powers of memory are tingling...throbbing...yes, it's all coming back to me now—Doc Savage's exercises!

Doc Savage was the hero of a series of pulp novels in the 30's and 40's. He was a sort of proto-Superman, trained from childhood by his father to nearly superhuman heights of strength, intelligence, and a dozen other abilities he kept constantly honed by a constant regimen of extraordinary exercises.

Xenu won't be happy now that his secret is out. Maybe this is the reason that Tom Cruise is "super" in the box office.