The perfect wife test.

Premarital Behavior

There are several ways to live your life that can keep your girlfriend or fiancé` from turning into a total bitch. Here are some rules to live by.

1. Never call to just talk on the phone. These conversations are 99.9% pointless and take away from all the productive things a real man could be doing, like drinking.
   
2. Any night she wants to go out and do something gay, apologize and tell her its poker night. If it is not really poker night, call your friends and go to the strip club.
   
3. Never do anything that she considers “quality time”. Quality time sucks ass. It normally means you have to cook a dinner that is more fancy but tastes way worse than a beer brat or burger and then proceed to watching a sob fest movie. At this point, you might think, “I’ve put in ton of work; we are going to have unbelievable sex tonight!” This is not true. She is going to be feeling all romantic so she will not bite, will bitch when her hair is pulled, and will never go for anything other than missionary. Stay away from evenings such as these, they are a waste of time.
   
4. Never say the three dirty words… “I love y…y…yoooooohshit” I can’t even type it.
   

Obviously from someone either recently divorce, brazenly single, or Tucker Max.