Misc. Friday Ramblings...

"Michael Jackson sold Neverland Ranch. It is over 15 years old, and just isn't sexy to him anymore." David Spade

• It's Photoshop Phriday!
  Literal Magazines.
  


• What happens when you take lesbians to the Renaissance Festival?
  Pictures....lots of pictures...
  


• Cheat online? Get crucified.
  

  Kerry Fraser-Robinson, RedBedlam’s CEO says: "Roma Victor has been designed from the outset to offer an historically authentic and realistic virtual world. Although crucifixion is nowadays synonymous with persecution and religious symbolism, in 180CE it was just one of many severe punishments used by the Romans to punish criminals and to send a clear message out to other potential wrong-doers. And since our online world is historically authentic, we feel that applying this punishment to cheats, hackers and other virtual wrongdoers is not only appropriate, but also adds to the gaming experience by resonating with classical history."

  I think I'd prefer to get them banned, but public humiliation is a good start.
  


• Boob jobs banned in space.
  Obviously, they've never watch Mythbusters. BUSTED!
  


• Teen tasered for urine crime.
  After the tasering, he probably had much more urine to go around.
  


• Kid stuck in a toy machine.
  Fear the claw!
  


• 510 item buffet for charity.
  Somewhere, a China Super Buffet is crying.
  


• Never play on an escalator.
  And here is the aftermath:
  
  
  

Friday FIREPOWER!

• Ultimax 100 MK4: Best Choice for USMC Infantry Automatic Rifle (IAR)?
  

  The Ultimax 100 MK4 fires from the open-bolt, fires at a cyclic rate/rate-of-fire (ROF) of 400-600 RPM (Rounds-Per-Minute), and can be adjusted between these two rates by the operator. The MK4 can be had with a 13-inch barrel, side-folding buttstock, and Mil-Std-1913 rail system on top of the receiver (for mounting optics, lasers, etc.) and on the forend at the 3, 6, and 9 o'clock positions for mounting additional accessories (tactical white lights, lasers, vertical foregrips, etc.). Just like all versions of the Ultimax before it, the Ultimax MK4 utilizes the "Constant-Recoil" principle (invented by Jim Sullivan specifically for the Ultimax) which allows it to outhit heavier machine guns (chambered in the same caliber) on full-auto. "Constant-Recoil" reduces felt-recoil and muzzle rise and thus increases controllability on full-auto, resulting in more hits on target. This recoil attenuation/mitigation aspect makes the Ultimax the most contollable LMG/SAW in the world, even though it's also the lightest-weight LMG/SAW in the world.
  
  Believe it or not, the Ultimax offers an 8:1 hit ratio advantage over the M16 rifle when both are fired offhand on full-auto side by side against multiple targets, including moving targets. When both weapons are fired from the bi-pod, the Ultimax offers a 2.5:1 hit ratio advantage over the M16. The box/drum mag-fed Ultimax 100 LMG/SAW will outhit the belt-fed FN M249 SAW and MK46 MOD 0/1 at 3-times the range, on full-auto, even though it weighs considerably less (9-10.1 lbs, depending on the configuration vs. a listed 16.75 lbs for the M249 SAW). The box-magazine/drum-magazine/double-drum magazine-fed Ultimax 100 MK4 is also much faster and easier to reload in a fight than the M249 SAW, especially in a dynamic, fluid situation like a running gun battle/firefight while the infantryman is firing on-the-move. In this situation, it's nice to be able to reload quickly and relatively easily on the move as well, which the Ultimax allows an operator to do. The Ultimax can be reloaded as quickly and easily as an assault rifle, since it's magazine-fed, rather than belt-fed. As it happens, the Ultimax 100 series is also significantly more reliable under adverse/combat conditions and high-round-count than the FN M249.
  
  Right-Click here and then click on "Save Target As" to download and watch the boys from American Defense Management, Inc. put the Ultimax 100 SAW/LMG through its paces a little bit, and demonstrate its high controllability on full-auto (off-hand shooting).

  
  


• GASP! The existing gun laws work.
  

  Mohammed Taheri-Azar drove a Jeep Cherokee into a crowd of students March 3 at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and hit nine people, none of whom had life-threatening injuries.
  
  A police officer read the typed letter in court Friday.
  
  "I would instead use a handgun to murder the citizens and residents of Chapel Hill, North Carolina, but the process of receiving a permit for a handgun in this city is highly restricted and out of my reach at present, most likely due to my foreign nationality," the letter said.

  
  

Mama said knock you out.

U.S. Capitol Police are investigating an incident in which one of its officers allegedly tried to stop Rep. Cynthia McKinney, D-Ga., from bypassing a security checkpoint and ended up getting punched in the chest.

Capitol Police Sgt. Kimberly Schneider did not release any details surrounding the investigation, only saying that the "matter has been brought to their attention." But sources have told FOX News that the police action stems from the supposed confrontation Wednesday at a House office building on Capitol Hill.

According to the sources, McKinney was walking into the building at about 2:30 p.m. EST and went around the metal detector, which is customary for lawmakers.

The police officer apparently did not recognize McKinney and asked her to stop and walk through the metal detector. McKinney ignored the officer's requests more than once, the sources said, and the officer placed his hand on McKinney's shoulder.

The sources said that McKinney then turned around and hit the officer in the chest with her cell phone.

Because, you know, politicians are much to important to be bothered with little things like security checks. All the security in the world does no good when a few "select" gets to ignore it.

Separated at birth?

More bounce to the ounce.

Ladies. Do you know what kind of support you need based on your activity level? If not, let this easy demonstration show you what your boobs can go through. Ah, finally, a good reason to have Macromedia Flash installed.

Thanks to Fark and Cityrag.

What is in a name?

Some Blogthings in passing.

Saw these over at Angelia's.

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

Your Love Element Is Metal

In love, you inspire and respect your partner. For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience. You attract others with wit and a bit of flash. Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you. Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life. You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past. You connect best with: Earth Avoid: Fire You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other

What Element Is Your Love?

Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 45%

Well, you don't have the worst job in the world, but it's not great. And don't worry, you're not the problem - your company is. Start looking around for another job, even if you're not totally fed up. Because in time, you're going to be dying to quit!

Should You Quit Your Job?

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

• It's Photoshop Phriday!
  Those pretentious video games...
  


• The wonders of makeup.
  The horrors of none.
  


• Beware the ninja cats...
  
  
• Texas Arresting People In Bars For Being Drunk
  "I was drunk in a bar. They threw me into public. Arrest them!"
  


• Picking on the Italian Prime Minister.
  Hey, he picked first!
  


• The Italian Prime Minister honors the service of a meter maid.
  Or is he just wanting to service the meter maid?
  


• You need ventilation to wear a gimp suit.
  And the cocaine doesn't help things either.
  


• Dude! You're getting a Dell...er, Alienware.
  Somewhere out there, an AMD FX-60 is crying.
  


• In a rare case of Hollywood listening to the public...
  We get snakes on a motherf@cking plane now.
  

Friday FIREPOWER!

• Stabilized Remotely-Operated Weapon System.
  

  
  ROI designed, developed and produces the stabilized, remotely operated weapon systems (SRWS) to significantly increase the accuracy of a variety of crew-served weapons, but more importantly, to provide under-armor protection for the soldiers operating the weapon. ROI's SRWS provides the capability to remotely aim and fire its crew-served weapon from the security of inside the vehicle. The SRWS is versatile and modular, incorporating the latest technology in stabilized, remotely controlled weapon mounts, optical and thermal sensors, ballistic fire control, lasers and digital video processing capabilities. Its performance and survivability make it one of the most advanced target acquisition and weapon fire control systems available.
  
  SRWS one-shot, one-kill capability multiplies force effectiveness, lowers collateral damage potential, and minimizes logistics resupply requirements in the demanding urban warfare environment found in Iraq and wherever our troops are deployed.
  
  The U.S. Army selected ROI's SRWS for its common remotely operated weapon station (CROWS) program. CROWS has undergone rigorous testing by the Army, and is currently deployed on the battlefields of Iraq, drawing rave reviews from soldiers in the field.
  
  ROI designed the SRWS Lightning as a smaller, light-weight, stabilized, remotely controlled weapon system for use with lighter weapons on smaller vehicles.

  
  

Oblivion Lost? No, Oblivion found!

Oblivion is the latest installment of The Elder Scrolls series. It is by far the best looking 1-player RPG I've seen on the PC. Like Morrowind before it, Oblivion takes place in one of the provinces of the continent of Tamriel. This time, we are in Cyrodiil. As usual, you start in jail, where a chance encounter with the Emperor changes your life. For the better or worse, that is up to you to decide. It is the open-ended nature of this series that will have you spending months wrapping up quests and adventures. Plus, you can modify pretty much anything in the game with the included editor. Time to suspend that WoW account for a while. :)

Oh yeh, and Oblivion Lost is still lost, as far as I can tell.

This is the ultimate showdown

Another Chuck Norris post, with a twist.

Comic book hero religions

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.

Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?

Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath-of-God type stuff.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.

Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes...

Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria.

PS: Happy Birthday Patrick.

You're never to young to live life in the fast lane.

When Italian police pulled over the vehicle, they found a completely naked 70-year-old woman who had been trying to have sex with the driver -- 11 years her junior.

After demanding the joy-riding couple get dressed, the police tested the semi-nude male motorist for drunk driving.

"He was three times over the legal (blood-alcohol) limit," said police commander Angelo D'Anardo in the city of Cologno al Serio, northeast of Milan.

"We assume they must have been drinking at lunch and then things got out of control."

Asked if the couple were married, D'Anardo said he wasn't sure -- but somehow doubted it.

"Married people wouldn't probably do anything like this."

Sure they would, but that usually only happens during the dating and honeymoon phases. Still, let's hear it for granny trying to get her some from a young thing. You're only dead when you or God decide it.

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

Big....Buckin....Chicken....

• It's Photoshop Phriday!
  How hungry are you?
  


• Happy St. Patrick's Day!
  Green beer....mmmmmm....
  


• Getting knocked the f_ck out.
  Tatsu maki sen puu kyaku!
  


• Little Mermaid vandalized with a dildo.
  Ursula wanted for questioning.
  


• You too can help your kids with homework
  Great, just what I want, refresher courses on what I wanted to forget.
  


• Sony Delays PlayStation 3 Console Launch
  Somewhere in Redmond, Washington, you can hear Bill Gates cackle with glee.
  


• South Park is funny, until it pokes fun at you. Right Chef?
  

  Isaac Hayes has quit "South Park," where he voices Chef, saying he can no longer stomach its take on religion.
  
  "Religious beliefs are sacred to people, and at all times should be respected and honored," he continued. "As a civil rights activist of the past 40 years, I cannot support a show that disrespects those beliefs and practices."
  
  "South Park" co-creator Matt Stone responded sharply in an interview with The Associated Press Monday, saying, "This is 100 percent having to do with his faith of Scientology... He has no problem - and he's cashed plenty of checks - with our show making fun of Christians."
  
  Stone told The AP he and co-creator Trey Parker "never heard a peep out of Isaac in any way until we did Scientology. He wants a different standard for religions other than his own, and to me, that is where intolerance and bigotry begin."

  
  Amen to that.
  

Friday FIREPOWER!

• Defending those that can't defend themselves.
  

  Police on Wednesday identified the man shot by a woman who's nine months pregnant after he broke into her home.
  
  The Cumberland County Sheriff's Office said Louis Deon McMillian, 28, of Fayetteville, was killed Tuesday afternoon after he was shot by Crystal Strickland.
  
  Authorities said Strickland was lying on the couch in her home when she heard the mini-blinds on her kitchen door rustle. When Strickland got up to investigate, she saw McMillian trying to get in.
  
  A department spokeswoman said the McMillian ran around the corner of the duplex to the front door and tried to kick it in. Strickland, whose two children, ages 3 and 1, were in the home at the time, warned McMillian that she had a gun. He replied that he also had a gun, officials said.
  
  Authorities say the two exchanged gunfire and McMillian was shot in the chest. He was taken to Cape Fear Valley Medical Center, but went into cardiac arrest en route to the hospital. He died during surgery, officials said.
  
  Strickland's two children were not injured in the shooting.
  
  No charges have been filed.

  
  Never come between a mother and her cubs...
  


• Marines get a six-pack attack.
  

  Marines with Regimental Combat Team 5, based in Camp Fallujah, test-fired the latest in the Corps’ arsenal of weapons’ improvement, the M-32 Multiple shot Grenade Launcher. It’s a six-barreled, 40 mm beast of weapon that has just about enough attitude for Marines.

  
  


• Why you never shoot an inflated tire still on the rim.
  

Indiana Jones 4 could be coming soon.

Looks like Harrison Ford can finally take the fedora out of mothballs.

The Hollywood megastar told a German magazine on Wednesday that after rewrites too numerous to count, he and director Steven Spielberg are finally satisfied with the script for the forever-in-the-works fourth installment of the whip-wielding, tomb-raiding adventurer.

Ford's reps did not comment further, and a Lucasfilm spokesperson said Wednesday that Lucas was not available to comment on the status of Indy 4. But appearing at last week's Empire Awards in London, his producing partner, Rick McCallum, said Lucas had made his final tweaks to the script by Jeff Nathanson (Rush Hour 2 and Catch Me If You Can) and handed it off to his two pals for final tweaking.

Ah, finally, we get to see what happens after you ride off into the sunset. The only thing that bothers me is that Jeff Nathanson wrote the first accepted script. Sure, he may have written pretty good movies like Rush Hour 2 and The Terminal. However, he was responsible for Speed 2: Cruise Control. Ugh.

Man Conquers Three Pound Burger

C.P. Deli: It’s the tiny restaurant that challenges the biggest of appetites.

On its menu of ham sandwiches and turkey salads, is the big daddy of burgers.

The Wally Burger weighs in at a staggering three pounds and is served with a pound of french fries.

The meal is enough to make any Whopper whimper.

It’s only fitting that the burger is huge.

It’s the namesake of the restaurant’s owner, Wally Hough.

Standing well over six feet tall, Hough once played center for the Florida Gators basketball team.

"This is a local restaurant that’s been here for many years, said Wally.

"We’re just having fun with it and getting people to talk it up."

The Wally Burger takes up more than half of the grill at the deli and the cooks require an hours notice to serve it.

Since the estimated 7,000-calorie meal hit the menu, many men have tried the Wally Burger.

Only Caleb Stamps has finished it.

"People look at me and say, ‘Oh, there’s the guy that ate the huge burger,'" said Caleb.

"Everybody says they can do it, but come in here and try," he added.

So, I took Caleb up on his challenge and decided to try the Wally Burger for myself.

I had to finish every morsel of the three one-pound patties, complete with bun, lettuce, tomato and three slices of cheese, and the pound of French fries in one hour.

If I finished it, I would receive a T-shirt, and the meal would be on the house.

If I didn’t finish it, I would have to shell out $15 for the meal.

The first 30 minutes were a breeze.

Near the second pound of beef, the meat started to intimidate me.

At roughly six inches tall, the sandwich was the most food I’d ever attempted to eat in one sitting.

The only thing I know is that if you can down 7000 calories worth of burgers and fries, you better have the pepto on standby.

Happy Steak and BJ day!

Beings that I will get neither, I give you something amusing from this week's Strong Bad Email.

Science sure can ruin the 'magic' of an eclipse.

The Nigerian government, anxious to avoid a repeat of riots that marked a solar eclipse in 2001, warned citizens they may suffer "psychological discomfort" during a new eclipse this month but urged them not to panic.

Information Minister Frank Nweke said an eclipse five years ago caused riots in northern Borno state because people did not know why it happened.

"Some people even felt some evil people in their communities were responsible for the eclipse," he said in a statement on Thursday aimed at reassuring Nigerians that the eclipse is expected to darken parts of the country on March 29.

"The eclipse is not expected to have any real damaging effect, only social and psychological discomforts are envisaged," Nweke said.

The more science can explain, the less magic there is in the world. Sometimes, that is a good thing. Education can avoid misunderstandings that lead to issues as described above.

What ever happend to people in the "civilized world" having a sense of wonderment about things they just don't understand? Deus Ex Machina.

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit...

• It's Photoshop Phriday.
  I want my baby bib, baby bib, baby bib, baby bib....
  


• What do you want on your tombstone?
  
  


• What happens when you mix pennies with engineers?
  Symmetrical stacking occurs.
  


• 280mph at half throttle.
  So the Jetson era is almost here. Great. Where's my easy button?
  


• Need capital? Sell your comics!
  Good BBQ will thank you for it.
  


• Flatus explained Mythbuster's style.
  Darn those methyl mercaptans.
  


• Here's a contract worse than the NFL.
  And she didn't even have an agent to take 25% of her money.
  

Friday FIREPOWER!

• The Nuge sticks to his guns on the set.
  

  Gun enthusiast Ted Nugent won a showdown with a VH1 film crew assistant director the other day.
  
  Nugent, in town for the filming of VH1's "Supergroup" reality show, walked onto the set early this week exercising his right to bear arms.
  
  The startled assistant director asked the rocker to remove the holstered firearm from the active set, citing safety concerns.
  
  Nugent, 57, stuck to his guns (gun), and the AD has not been seen on the set since, I'm told.
  
  Reached at VH1 in New York on Friday, spokeswoman Michelle Clark said Nugent "has a license to be a firearm carrier no matter where he might be. I'm sure he wasn't waving it around."
  
  Nugent and four other veteran rockers wrap up their 12-day taping, most of it at the Parisian Palace, with a concert Sunday at the Empire Ballroom, 3765 Las Vegas Blvd. South.
  
  Joining Nugent on the reality show is Sebastian Bach of Skid Row; drummer Jason Bonham, son of Led Zeppelin legend John Bonham; Scott Ian of Anthrax; and Evan Seinfeld of Biohazard.

  
  The reason for the comment about 'carrying no matter where' is due to the fact that Ted is a deputy in Michigan County, so there is some sort of reciprocity there. And you know, disarming the public really makes everyone safer. *rolls eyes* Sounds like it should be a good show, though. It'd be an even better concert!
  


• Arrrmmmmed Iiinnn SSpppaaaaaaaaccee!!!
  

  “In 1965, two cosmonauts overshot their touchdown site by 1,200 miles and found themselves deep in a forest with hungry wolves. That's when Russian space officials decided to pack a sawed-off shotgun aboard every spacecraft. It took Russian search crews more than two hours to locate the spacecraft and another two hours for helicopters to get support crews to the landing site.”
  
  This is the Soyuz pistol, part of the survival equipment. We are supposed to use it to catch food and to signal our location if we land in some obscure part of the world. It has three barrels, two for shotgun shells and one for rifle bullets.

  
  Of course, the 23mm cannon was just a bit much for the cosmonauts to shoulder this go-around.
  


• "What did you feel when you shot?""Recoil."
  Sometimes, bigger is better.
  


• Videogames can save a soldier's life.
  

  The U.S. Army has discovered a remote control gun turret that works, and cannot get enough of them. The army wants over 9,000 CROWS (common remotely operated weapon stations), but is only getting 15 a month. There should be about a thousand CROWS in service by the end of the year.
  
  But there's another reason, not often talked about, for the success of CROWS. The guys operating these systems grew up playing video games. They developed skills in operating systems (video games) very similar to the CROWS controls. This was important, because viewing the world around the vehicle via a vidcam is not as enlightening (although a lot safer) than having your head and chest exposed to the elements, and any firepower the enemy sends your way. But experienced video gamers are skilled at whipping that screen view around, and picking up any signs of danger. Iraqis are amazed at how observant CROWS is. Iraqis tend to just wrote this off as another example of American "magic." But the troops know betters. Video games can save your life.

  
  

Free Porn Weekend? Thanks Pastor!

The Church talks about a lot of things. Love. Forgiveness. Peace. It’s time the church talks about porn. Clermont Fellowship Church hopes Porn Weekend will raise awareness about the issues surrounding pornography and bring healing and recovery to those struggling with it.

As long as samples are involved, it just might be worth attending.

Hearse driver arrested for biting policeman

A drunken hearse driver has been arrested in the western German town of Krefeld after biting a police officer taking him in for an alcohol test, police said on Monday.

Police had called for a hearse at a funeral home to transport a body to the cemetery.

"The hearse driver nearly fell over when he got out of the car. Then he had to hold onto everything he could find as he stumbled to the house," said police spokesman Dietmar Greger.

Police decided to take the man to the station to test his blood alcohol level, but when they tried to get him out of their car he started a fight and bit an officer several times in the hand.

The driver was last heard groaning and moaning something about brains....

Yanni Arrested in Alleged Domestic Dispute

The musician Yanni was arrested at his home after an alleged domestic dispute with his girlfriend, authorities said.

Yanni, whose legal name is John Yanni Christopher, was arrested early Friday and faces a domestic battery charge, according to a police report.

Wait...he has a girlfriend...interesting. Guess he was never a subject of "guess who is gay" from Madonna.

Thunder Chickens take flight

It seems the osprey is mightier than the frog — and a bunch of chickens is ready to prove it.

The New River Air Station-based Marine squadron bearing the moniker “Thunder Chickens” rehatched with new and improved wings Friday as the first operational MV-22 Osprey squadron in the U.S. military.

Now known as Marine Medium Tiltrotor Squadron 263, the Thunder Chickens returned to the incubator in June, standing down as a CH-46 “Battle Frog” squadron to begin training to fly and maintain the controversial Osprey, which can take off and land like a helicopter and fly like an airplane.

I'm glad to see that the aircraft has passed over its initial development issues. Unfortunately, those issues cost the lives of many marines before the Osprey became fully functional.

Blech.

Been on vacation. Had the Flu on vacation. At least I wasn't at work having the Flu. Just my luck too. Find out the Flu is going around on Thursday. Start feeling the effects on Friday. Saturday was okay. Sunday through Friday was pure misery. Get well just in time to go back to work. Sometimes, life sucks ass.