Use your illusion.

I still see blue/grey and yellow on illusion 3. Darn brain.

All gave some; some gave all.

In Flanders Fields
John McCrae, 1915.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Misc. Friday Ramblings

This just in...

• FDA Probing Viagra Blindness Side Effect
  Irony Defined!


• Worse comic costumes evah!
  Whoopie Goldberg. Mexican Samurai. ROFLCOPTER!


• It's Photoshop Phriday.
  In-game advertising has gone too far.


• Good bus driver gone bad?
  Or, do the inmates run the aylum?


• Never fall asleep at a college party.
  Shaming will ensue.


• Tennis anyone?
  I don't think I've ever played a game this hard before.


• Microsoft advises IE users to uninstall Netscape 8.
  Most literate computer users advise people to uninstall IE for Firefox.


• Come Mr. Tally-man, Tally me bananas.
  Daylight come and I go to jail.


• Why mexican carry of your firearm is a bad idea.

Obligatory Friday gun stuff!
UK Doctors want to ban knives, because they are used in stabbings. What's next, sharp pointy sticks? What if they assault you with a banana? Ever heard of turning the knife on edge and slashing? Sheesh.

A group of British doctors called on Friday for a ban on the sale of long, pointed kitchen knives which are used in up to half of all stabbings.

"Many assaults are impulsive ... and the long pointed kitchen knife is an easily available potentially lethal weapon, particularly in the domestic setting," Dr Emma Hern and colleagues at West Middlesex University Hospital in London said in the British Medical Journal.

Long knives were traditionally used to spear meat and lift it from the plate to the mouth but times and table manners have changed. When the researchers surveyed 10 chefs in Britain, none gave a reason why a long pointed knife was essential. Short ones were just as good.

A leading British manufacturer of knives was also at a loss to say why long pointed knives were needed and admitted its designs are based on traditional shapes.

If a ban is enforced, the researchers believe it would reduce the availability of the knives over the next few years.

"We suggest that banning the sale of long pointed knives is a sensible and practical measure," they added.

Gives "laying the pipe" a new meaning.

Suspicious package was fake foot-long plastic penis

The “suspicious package” that caused Interstate 75 and Daniels Parkway to be shut for more than an hour Monday was not an explosive pipe bomb — but rather wrapped-up plastic foot-long penis.

“Someone took construction-grade plastic, molded it into a penis and wrapped it with duct tape,” said Lee County Sheriff’s Chief Deputy Charles Ferrante.

“They wrote ‘Happy Father’s Day’ on the duct tape.”

The device was first described by the sheriff’s office as a prosthetic penis. Later, it cops described it as a paper sculpture made to look like a penis.

"(The rumor that it was actually a vibrator) just took a life of it's own," said Cpl. Larry King.

Ferrante later spoke with a member of the bomb squad who described it in more detail.

“Somebody molded it to look like a penis,” Ferrante said. “It was not detected until the suspicious package was removed.”

A motorist called the Lee County Sheriff’s Office Monday shortly after 3 p.m. about a suspicious package on the side of the road under the northbound Interstate 75 overpass.

The cylinder was more than a foot long in a plastic bag and wrapped with duct tape. It looked like pipe bomb and was in a position that could cause structural damage.

Deputies arrived and alerted the bomb squad, which used a robot to disable the cylinder. The north- and southbound lanes of Intestate 75 were closed for about an hour between Alico Road and Colonial Boulevard. Traffic was blocked on Daniels Parkway at the overpass for an hour while the device was removed.

The closures left the heart of Lee County's road system without any vehicles as rush hour approached. After the drama ensued there were back-ups for about 15 minutes, but then traffic cleared to its normal levels.

I-75 is the main north-south artery in the region and Daniels is one of the major east-west corridor in south Fort Myers, connecting Gateway, Lehigh Acres and Southwest Florida International Airport with the region's retail power centers and tens of thousands of homes along the way.

I just don't know what to say about this. I think it kinda speaks for itself.

From the mind of the lil one.

Looking out the window in his bedroom at the blonde squirrel that is inhabiting one of our maple trees. "Hi Mr. Squirrel, it's me, Tommy. How are you doing?"

I'm laying on the couch, under two blankets, playing hide-and-seek. A hand pulls back the cover from my head, and an object is placed on my cheek. "Don't worry daddy, it's just the bee". I pull a block with the big letter 'B' on it from my cheek.

On the phone. "Are you going to have fun with mommy today?" "Yes, sir" "What are you going to do today?" "Ummm" trailing voice "Here Mommy". Hands the phone to mommy, in the background I hear "What are we doing today?".

MahnaMahna is now a household song.

Nothing to see here, move along, move along.

Seriously, nothing to see here. Don't feel like blogging. Nothing much has caught my interest as being wierd, funny, or out-there. No, not even the 42 midgets versus lion hoax. I guess I've been enjoying too much time in World of Warcraft. You know you can track your hours for games through a little front-end called Xfire. When you see the hours put into gaming that you could be doing something else, kinda puts things into perspective. So, I stopped running Xfire, went over and played with the lil one.

Misc. Friday Ramblings

Blah Blah Blah Blah

• Saddam wears tighty whiteys.
  Ew, just ew!


• Social outcasts can't ride the Scream Machine.
  They are a private business. They can disallow anyone they want to. You have no rights on their property. Guess you shouldn't have been a deviant then, molester.


• Wardrobe malfunction for a former bond girl.
  Picture number two, if you please.


• Slow drivers don't need to keep right.
  That's why you drive locked and loaded. buahahaha.


• E3 Booth Babes.
  Because, it's not how good the game is, it's the boobs that are shilling it that count.


• Christina has a new ring.
  Now, a matching set.


• Trooper hit while attending to an existing accident.
  Drive. Don't look, just drive. There is not some mystical force pulling you off the road.

Obligatory Friday gun stuff!

Just a little story to let you know that not all things you may have to defend yourself and your family from will have two legs.

On March 21, 2005, I was assaulted by a pit bull while visiting an acquaintance's home. She was in home hospice care for pancreatic cancer. I had been a visitor several times before, and the animal knew me. Quite literally without warning, the dog attacked me, going for my throat in a lunge. The only warning I had was the change in the dog's expression when I looked at her as I was getting up to leave.

The attached pics show where she did get me, but more importantly, don't show where she failed. (plastic surgery is sooo fun in the ER.)

I'd be dead if I were not trained to defend myself.

I'd be dead if I did'nt have a handgun.

It's midnight, do you know where your Sith is?

The marquis at Tinseltown is full of movies, but one outshines them all.

Hundreds waited in line for hours Wednesday night to get a good seat for "Star Wars: Return of the Sith."

To pass the time, people played cards, ate pizza, and shared Star Wars memories.

"It's the first time I can ever remember everybody cheering and everybody standing up and clapping at the end of a movie," said Higginbotham.

"I went to actually see 'Return of the Jedi' in a theater," said Rodney Rosario. "My mom picked me up from preschool."

"Star Wars: Return of the Sith" premiered at 12:01 Thursday morning.

Looking around at some of the empty cubicles, I can tell that a few of the fans work here. A long time ago, in a lifetime far, far, away, I probably would have been one of them. Now, I work long hours, then come home to spend what precious little time I have with my family. Anything else really doesn't matter that much anymore.

BTW, Triumph has a few things to say about Star Wars fans.

Did you miss me? Probably not.

Took a few days off to recouperate after a big anniversary party my wife threw for her parents. Great party, but the after-effects. Blech. Ah well, all is right with the world, except:

• My wife and her mom missed the Survivor finale.


• Vicente Fox popping off about Mexicanos taking jobs that blacks won't even take.


• E3 Baby!

Misc. Friday Ramblings

I'll take my eggs scRAMBLEd.

• It's Photoshop Phriday.
  Just in time for Christmas, try these toys.


• The new Xbox is coming.
  Do you know where your PC is?


• Try your spouse before you buy.
  Would he have gotten to sue if she had a headache?


• Wifey says "Bite Me!"
  When your wife tells you to bite her, the box you should be grabbing ain't the tackle box.


• Yo girl, you got knocked the f*ck out!


• When you have to sell, a bikini can't hurt.
  When "Jaba the Hutt" gets jealous, that horse they're on seems to grow quite a bit higher. 400% sales increase, screw "professionalism".


• Lottery winner arrested.
  Go to Jail. Go directly to Jail. Do NOT pass go. Do NOT collect $37 million.


• 
  Britney and Jennifer look like they know how to handle their produce.

Obligatory Friday gun pr0n!
Compact semi-auto pistols are what many consider ideal for concealed carry. There are many debates over size, weight, and especially caliber. The following link is a comparison chart of some of the more popular offerings from makers like Kahr, NAA, and Kel-Tec. Nothing actually beats picking up and/or firing the weapon, but the chart and subsequent thread at THR can help (skip to the last page for the most up-to-date chart).

Get that girl a sammich, stat!

The blonde hair, the leathery skin, and the radical weight loss have really taken their toll on Lindsay Lohan. A girl that used to be one of the hottest in Hollywood is quickly becoming a skeleton in cowboy boots.

At least we can now be fairly certain that her breasts are real, since she's losing those too.

This is the Lohan I want to remember,



Not this!!!

Reading, Writing, and Satan Worshipping.

A lazy worker, not a satanic cult, was responsible for severed goat heads that caused a scare at a Vancouver-area school, Canadian police said on Monday.

Police were called in after goat heads were twice found on a bench outside a school in nearby Chilliwack, British Columbia, prompting fears in the suburban community that it had been targeted by a satanic animal killing.

A 19-year-old worker at a local slaughterhouse has admitted he took the two heads with the intention of having them mounted, but then changed his mind and left them at the school in hopes a janitor would dispose of them.

"(Police) want to reassure the community that there were no satanic intentions in relation to these incidents," the Royal Canadian Mounted Police said, adding that the man "should have known better."

Why should they really care about Satan worshippers in the neighborhood? Isn't there supposed to be religious tolerance? I'm surprised that when the heads were discovered, they didn't question the cafeteria workers first. They'd have gotten the answer to what is the mystery meat for the week.

Sorry boss, I won't be coming in today...or maybe I will...

Brazilian Town Declares Orgasm Day Intended to Improve Relationships Between Married Couples

Sex rarely makes the news in Brazil's conservative Northeast until a small town declared an official Orgasm Day on Monday.

Espertantina Mayor Felipe Santolia endorsed the May 9 holiday, which he said was intended to improve relationships between married couples.

"We're celebrating orgasm in all its senses. There's even a panel discussion on premature ejaculation. But from what I've seen, women have more trouble achieving orgasm than men, especially in marriage," Santolia said by telephone from Esperantina, 1,300 miles (2,100 kilometers) north of Rio de Janeiro.

Santolia said the remote town of 38,000 people has been unofficially celebrating orgasm day for years, but that the town's former mayor had vetoed a bill making it an official municipal holiday.

The city council passed a law Saturday creating the holiday. Santolia, who took office earlier this year, said he would sign the bill later Monday.

"I'm 32, single and I have an open mind. Beside the theme is very much of the moment," he said.

Orgasm Day celebrations include a series of panel discussions by sexologists from across Brazil and a presentation of Eve Ensler's play "The Vagina Monologues."

Santolia said the idea of celebrating Orgasm Day at first created a scandal in this poor region, known for its religious fervor. But he said residents gradually residents warmed to the idea.

"I've seen scientific studies that show when a woman is unloved, when her husband can bring her to orgasm, it affects all aspects of her life, her relationships with her children, at home, with the city and at work," Santolia said.

Why is it just one day? Why can't it be 24/7/365? I mean, I'd love to have the day off to spend in bed with my wife. You know that something like that just wouldn't work in the US. Man and Wife is defined in the holiday. Of course, that discriminates against singles, homosexuals, asexuals, cats, dogs, etc. Seriously, like the government would give you the day off to screw your significant other when they are too busy screwing you.

On a happier note, I was picking up some supplies for an upcoming party, and got carded for the first time in about 10 years. Made this old fart quite happy!

Let your middle finger do the walking.

A Columbus, Georgia student will return to class Monday after serving three days' suspension that began when his mother called him on his cell phone from Iraq, where she is deployed.

Kevin Francois was initially suspended for 10 days for what Spencer High School officials said was his use of profanity after a teacher interrupted the conversation.

His mother's name is Sgt. 1st Class Monique Bates, according to The Associated Press.

The suspension gained national attention Friday, prompting a flood of e-mails to school officials. By Friday afternoon, they told Francois his 10-day suspension would be shortened to the three already served.

"All I want to do is just go back to school," Francois said.

Muscogee County School District Superintendent John Phillips Jr. said Friday the suspension was not because of the phone call, but the result of Francois' reaction to the teacher interrupting it.

"The suspension was really incidental to the telephone. It was the behavior of the student, using profanity, screaming at the teacher," Phillips said.

"He became very belligerent and very threatening to her" when she asked him to turn over the phone, Phillips said.

"He said he was 17 years old and he would do what he wanted to do," Phillips told CNN-affiliate WTVM.

The teacher took him to the principal's office, where "he became very unruly and out of control," said Phillips. "It was escalating to a point where they were getting ready to call security."

The way I see it, both parties are to blame.
The government education facility, due to damnable zero tolerance, doesn't allow the drones to think for themselves, and maybe use a bit of common sense. The original story stated that the school's policy is that no phones can be on because of the cheating ability of text messaging. What I want to know is that if cell phones are not supposed to be used during school hours, why even allow the damn things on the campus to begin with?
Also, the kid was at fault. We've all been kids, and probably head strong to boot. I know he was upset. I'd have been upset as well. I'd also have been sent to the office without the phone. God bless his mom for her service in Iraq, but seriously, the kid knows the rules. No phones on during school hours. That also includes lunchtime. Gotta play by their rules until you graduate. A little thing called voicemail works wonders. If you make one exception, then everyone will become that exception. Zero tolerance indeed.

Misc. Friday Ramblings

A rambling wreck from Georgia Tech.

• Mother's Day is this Sunday.
  Make sure you pay up.


• It's Photoshop Phriday.
  The new vision of Superman is somehow uninspiring.


• Tony Blair wins again.
  And some people in the U.S. chafe under a two-term limit.


• Disneyland unveils golden castle.
  Moses says that he is not amused.


• Lesson: Don't play around power tools.
  This included playing with the puppy as well.


• You don't play cowboy with the cops.
  You also don't bring a toy gun to a gun fight.

Obligatory Friday gun pr0n!

Mid-America Recreation Inc. AA12 Automatic Shotgun.
It weighs in at around 13 pounds loaded with a 20 round magazine. It operates from an open bolt, with a fire rate up to 360 rounds per minute. Unfortunately, open bolt is a restricted weapon, so you probably won't be able to go hunting with one in your lifetime. Looks like a cousin of the USAS-12.

Try the 15 pound burger.

The burger war is growing. Literally. Denny's Beer Barrel Pub, which lost its crown as the home of the world's biggest burger earlier this year, is now offering a new burger that weighs a whopping 15 pounds.

Dubbed the Beer Barrel Belly Buster, the burger comes with 10.5 pounds of ground beef, 25 slices of cheese, a head of lettuce, three tomatoes, two onions, a cup-and-a-half each of mayonnaise, relish, ketchup, mustard and banana peppers — and a bun.

It costs $30.

"It can feed a family of 10," said Denny Liegey Sr., the restaurant's owner.

Denny's Beer Barrel Pub had offered a 6-pound burger — with 5 pounds of toppings.

In February, a 100-pound female college student became the first to eat the burger within the three-hour time limit. Kate Stelnick, of Princeton, N.J., was awarded a special certificate, a T-shirt and other prizes and Leigey picked up the $23.95 tab for the burger.

One month later, the Clinton Station Diner in Clinton, N.J., introduced a 12.5-pound burger dubbed Zeus.

So Liegey responded, and the Belly Buster was born.

Over the weekend, four men took the challenge, but couldn't get through the entire burger. They opted for doggie bags, instead.

"It's a little too much for me to handle," said Steve Hepburn, of Clearfield. "It's like trying to eat half a cow."

I like hamburgers as much as the next omnivore, but 10 pounds of meat is a little bit much in one sitting. Plus, if I want 10 pounds of meat, it better be some prime cuts of steak. Marinate in a little soy, a little more worcestershire, and garlic for 24 hours... slap it on the grill... saute mushrooms and onions... okay, dammit, I'm hungry!

Why working in a cube sucks.

10. Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day long.

9. Not being able to check e-mail attachments without turning around to see who's behind you.

8. Cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

7. That nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you'll get a piece of cheese.

6. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

5. The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.

4. 23 power cords - 1 outlet.

3. Prison cells are not only bigger, they also have beds.

2. The carpet has been there since 1976 and shows more signs of life than your coworkers.

And the Number 1 drawback to working in a cubicle is...

1. You can't walk out and slam the door when you quit.

Another one: You can't get rid of the "low hanging fruit" without the bloodstains being noticed. >=)

Dreams given form.

Tis the stuff that nightmares are made of. The last nightmare I had was about a year and a half ago. The most vivid imagery from that particular dream was my son, in his bed, was very ill. Deep down, a feeling a dread permeated me. I knew that he wouldn't last. He looked up, smiled, and said "Hi Daddy!". Then passed. I woke up crying. I walked into his room where he slept, all snuggled in bed. I couldn't leave his side for the longest time. Nor did I ever want to sleep again knowing that dream could be lurking...

Okay, enough of that. Lighten up Francis:

Toasting Coincidence

A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar
next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of
champagne, too!"

He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day
for me; I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the
woman.

"What a coincidence," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked,
"What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my
gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all
my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."

"That's great!" says the woman, "how did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks," he replied.

"What a coincidence," she said.

Ever get that creepy feeling?

I was reading a story my buddy Ken sent me. A wrestler that all my friends have seen before, Chris Candido, passed away over the weekend. I was scanning the channels late Saturday night, and came across the show for the organization he wrestled for. First thing up, he was there, legit injury and all. This morning, reading the story, replaying the last footage of someone that has since passed, I got a creepy feeling. Same thing for Owen Hart. My buddies and I went to the coliseum to catch WWE. We saw Owen chit-chatting back stage. A few weeks later, he dies in a stunt accident.

There were other times as well. I'm a big fan of the Discovery channel and all of its sub-channels. I used to watch American Casino. One of the draws was a brash manager, Mike Tata. He died during the filming of season one. Wing Nuts had another brash character, Tim Roberts, that died during season one as well. I lost interest in those shows after that. I guess what wierds me out is the fact that there are possibly millions of people catching the last moments of someone's life. Not the private moments, but the public moments after being followed by the camera. A strange detached-attachment.