Vote Cobra Commander!

Choose your poison indeed. Of course, you could do like me and think like George Carlin:

Everybody complains about politicians; everybody says they suck. Well where do people think these politicians come from? They don’t fall out of the sky. They don’t pass through a membrane from another reality. They come from American parents and American families. American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and then they are elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do folks. This is what we have to offer. It’s what our system produces. Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish ignorant leaders, and term limits ain’t gonna do you any good. You’re just gonna wind up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. So maybe it’s not the politicians who suck. Maybe something else sucks around here. Like the public. Yeah, the public sucks. There’s a good campaign slogan for somebody. “The public sucks! Fuck hope!” Fuck hope.

Because if it’s really the fault of these politicians, then where are all the other bright people of conscience? Where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans ready to step in and save the nation and lead the way? We don’t have people like that in this country. Everybody’s at the mall, scratching his ass, picking his nose, getting his credit card out of his fanny pack so he can buy a pair of sneakers with lights in them.

So I have solved this little political dilemma for myself in a very simple way. On Election Day, I stay home. I don’t vote. Fuck ’em. I don’t vote.

Two reasons:

First of all, it’s meaningless. This country was bought, and paid for and sold a long time ago. The shit they shuffle around every four years doesn’t mean a fucking thing.

And secondly, I don’t vote because I believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. People like to twist that around, I know. They say if you don’t vote you have no right to complain, but where’s the logic in that? If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent people, and they get into office and screw everything up, then you are responsible for what they have done. YOU caused the problem. YOU voted them in. YOU have no right to complain.

I, on the other hand, who did not vote, and who, in fact, did not even leave the house on election day, am in no way responsible for what these people have done and have every right to complain as loud as I want about the mess YOU created that I had nothing to do with. So, I know a little later on this year you’re gonna have another one of those really swell presidential elections that you like so much. You’ll enjoy yourselves; it’ll be a lot of fun. I’m sure that once the election is over your country will improve immediately. As for me, I’ll be home on that day doing essentially the same thing as you, the only difference is: when I get finished masturbating, I’m gonna have a little something to show for it.