Small time con suing for high crimes

A vertically challenged ex-con who did time for meth and marijuana is suing the Georgia prison he did time in under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Aspiring rapper Byron Rhodan is an ex-con who happens to be about four feet tall.

Rhodan is suing the state prison system because he fell off the sink in his cell while shaving.

According to the plaintiff, also known as Lil' Dirty, a prison guard ordered him to cut off his stubble, but wouldn't give him anything to stand on so he could see the mirror.

Rhodan says the lack of accommodations for a man of limited stature violates the Americans with Disabilities Act. No comment from the state.

Someones outta tell dis guy to Shaddup!

Movie Dicks

Billy Zabka, the 'Karate Kid' bully, has topped the list of 'movie dicks' in a poll conducted by GQ magazine.

The champion wrestler, who played blond Johnny Lawrence in the cult 1984 martial arts movie, has beaten out competition from Wedding Crashers' jock Zachary Lodge and National Lampoon's Animal House character Greg Marmalard, reports Contactmusic.

The top five movie dicks are:

1. Billy Zabka as Johnny Lawrence in 'The Karate Kid'

2. Bradley Cooper as Zachary Lodge in 'Wedding Crashers'

3. James Daughton as Greg Marmalard in 'National Lampoon's Animal House'

4. Eriq La Salle as Darryl Jenks in 'Coming to America'

5. Robert Prescott as Cole Whittier in 'Bachelor Party'.

Not Impressed.


"This man has no dick." William Atherton was a dick in Ghostbusters, Real Genius, and Die Hard 1 and 2. That's four movies of being a dick. He should be 1st.

Quizes

• Where does your Kingdom lie?
  

  Your distinct personality, The Merchant, might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. Your overriding goal is to always be competitive, for Merchants are the deal makers. Every situation is realistically analyzed for its profit potential. A well executed deal, even one that is profitable for all participants, can be its own reward for many Merchants. On the positive side you can be logically practical, rational and realistic. On the negative side you may be rigidly dogmatic as well as unmerciful and precipitous. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.

  Show me the money! Thanks to Ken.


• Geek Quiz.
  

  68% Geek
  46-75% Admirably geeky. Not a full blown geek yet so you still blend in with normal society, but beware, from here its a slippery slope.

  
  Funny, I thought I was a bit more geeky than that. Oh yeh, and Kirk would definitely kick Picards ass!
  

William H. Macy on late actors.

"I think what an actor has to realize (is that) when you show up an hour late, 150 people have been scrambling to cover for you," Macy told reporters Thursday. "There is not an apology big enough in the world to have to make 150 people scramble. It's nothing but disrespect. And Lindsay Lohan is not the only one. A lot of actors show up late as if they're God's gift to the film. It's inexcusable, and they should have their asses kicked."

I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum.

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

• It's Photoshop Phriday.
  Boardgames, Prequels and Sequels.
  


• Pluto Demoted.
  Goofy to draw unemployment.
  


• Psycho Killer Raccoons Terrorize Olympia
  At least they don't have light sabers.
  
  


• Tom Cruise fired.
  It is generally frowned upon to keep unstable people on the payroll.
  


• "It just so happens this is a snake, so you've got to see a snake on a tit."
  They've already got boobs on a plane, it's called Hooter's Airlines.
  


• PS3s are not even being made yet.
  I find their overabundance of faith (in the consumer) disturbing.
  


• Police Chief's home burglarized while giving lecture on crime prevention.
  Somehow Ironic doesn't just say enough.
  


• Hard porn during Swedish news show.
  Gotta keep up with current events.
  


• 
  

Friday FIREPOWER!

• C-17 "smoke angel".
  

  Looking perhaps a bit like a gigantic owl monster, the cloud pictured above resulted from a series of flares released by an air force jet over the Atlantic Ocean in May. The jet that released the flares, a C-17 Globemaster III, is seen on the right. The flares release smoke and the resulting pattern is sometimes known as a smoke angel. The circular eyes of the above smoke angel are caused by air spiraling off the plane's wings and are known as wingtip vortices.

  
  The flying spaghetti monster is not amused.
  


• One bucket of chicken, extra 9mm on the side.
  

  A customer carrying a gun foiled a man who attempted to rob a fast-food restaurant with a screwdriver in his pocket, police said.
  
  McMiller ordered a bucket of chicken then told the cashier, "Give me the money before I shoot you," police said.
  
  He held his hand in his back pocket as if reaching for a gun, police said, then began to climb over the counter.
  
  Paul Sherlock, a customer sitting in the dining room, approached and pulled out his 9 mm handgun.
  
  He held McMiller at gunpoint until police arrived. Officers found a long screwdriver, but no gun, in McMiller's pocket.
  
  Sherlock had a valid gun permit, police said.

  
  Boy, he really screwed up on that robbery.
  

World's Fastest Diesel.

JCBdieselmax is officially the world's fastest diesel-powered vehicle after hitting 333 miles per hour yesterday.

The car completed two runs - the first at 324mph and the return run at 333.3mph - giving an average of 328.8mph. This easily beats the previous record of 235.7mph set in 1973.

The team is not finished yet, and will make another attempt later today. Record attempts are made early in the morning when conditions on the salt flats are best.

JCB chairman Sir Anthony Bamford said: This is a marvellous achievement for JCB and a wonderful tribute to British engineering."

The car uses two standard JCB engines tuned to produce 750bhp.

I wonder if they used bio-willie to power that ride.

Man's iron head fails him

Boasting that he has a head as hard as iron, a young man in Qingdao of Shandong Province tried to crush an empty beer bottle against his head and needed emergency surgery on Tuesday afternoon.

Shan was drinking beer with one of his friends in a restaurant when he saw a man collapsing a wall with his head on TV.

Claiming that he also possessed such an amazing capability, Shan took an empty bottle on the table and slammed it into his head. His head immediately began to bleed. Shan was sent to a hospital and given seven stitches.

Just proving that redneck is universal. "Hey Ya'll, Watch This" in Chinese, thanks to Babelfish:

嘿您全部观看这

Two of a kind.

An Indian businessman born with two penises wants one of them removed surgically as he wants to marry and lead a normal sexual life, a newspaper report said Saturday.

The 24-year-old man from the northern state of Uttar Pradesh admitted himself to a New Delhi hospital this week with an extremely rare medical condition called penile duplication or diphallus, the Times of India said.

"Two fully functional penes is unheard of even in medical literature. In the more common form of diphallus, one organ is rudimentary," the newspaper quoted a surgeon as saying.

The surgery was expected to be challenging as both organs were well-formed and full blood supply to the retained penis had to be ensured to allow it to function normally, he added.

He should head to California, where he could leader a "normal" sexual life on the big screen. If not, just get two wives. Double-Mint twins anyone?

Snakes on a Plane not = money in the bank.

The high-flying thriller preceded by months of unprecedented Web buildup technically debuted as the No. 1 movie, but with a modest $15.25 million opening weekend, according to studio estimates Sunday.

With its campy, tell-it-like-it-is title and the star power of lead actor Samuel L. Jackson, "Snakes on a Plane" became an online phenomenon, prompting endless Web chat and parodies long before anyone saw the movie.

That buzz proved fairly hollow when it came to show time, with the debut weekend a respectable but unremarkable return for a movie with a production budget of just over $30 million.

New Line's Tuckerman said "Snakes on a Plane" would turn in a solid profit but that he did not know why the movie failed to live up to its Internet hype.

I can think of three reasons why it didn't have a stronger opening:
1) The genre wasn't clearly defined. Is it survival/horror, suspense, or just a campy movie.
2) People are afraid of snakes, CGI or not.
3) The internet hype folks have already downloaded it.

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

• It's Photoshop Phriday.
  Another day at the airport...
  


• If you gotta go...
  ...leave on a high note.
  
• Sinister Squirrel Embarks on Seven-Day Reign of Terror
  

  "All it does is fuel my fires that it's been going on for a full week," said James Klute, whose son was attacked while kicking a soccer ball in the park. "Once it happens once, someone should go out and do something."

  
  Okay, here's my solution.
  
  


• Hail Chupacabra!
  Maybe it was a pissed-off squirrel?
  


• 12 Planets.
  Science textbook publishers drooling with glee.
  


• Shocking music talent.
  Nikola would have been proud.
  


• 20 reasons why College Football is better than the NFL.
  Hmmm, I guess they can't put down "One definite winner" as long as there is voting, eh? College Football ends up being nothing more than High School ball with better uniforms. Oh wait, there are playoffs in High School.
  


• Star Trek action video.
  One reason why DS9 was saved, the Dominion war.
  


• Cartoons dealing with real life issues...the SomethingAwful way.
  Who knew Eeyore was a cutter.
  


• Science explained the Calvin and Hobbes way.
  

  Calvin: What causes the wind?
  Dad: Trees sneezing.

  
  Thanks Rez.
  


• Gender-bending in video games.
  Not all female PCs are built the same.
  

Friday FIREPOWER!

• The Springfield Armory SOCOM II.
  

  Springfield Armory SOCOM rifles are compact, powerful, close-quarter battle rifles. But being chambered for 7.62mm NATO. They still pack plenty of punch to reach out and make that crucial shot at a distance. They feature 16-inch barrels (the shortest allowed for a civilian-owned rifle) made possible by a re-tuned gas system. A proprietary, high-efficiency muzzle brake virtually eliminates muzzle rise, enabling you to stay on target for faster, more accurate follow-up shots. The new Cluster Rail System of the SOCOM II further enhances its versatility by accommodating virtually any optic, light or other accessory designed to fit a standard picatinny rail.

  
  


• World's Smallest Revolver.
  The SwissMiniGun has a total length of 5.5 cm and is 2.34 millimetres in caliber. This firearm is a scaled-down model of the much acclaimed and mystical Colt Python with all the same features as are found on the real size gun.
  
  

Breast implants save Israeli woman

ONE Israeli woman has received an unexpected boost from her breast implants during the Lebanon war – the silicone embeds saved her life during a Hezbollah rocket attack, a doctor said today.

"This is an extraordinary case, but it's a fact that the silicone implants prevented her from a more serious and deeper wound," Jacky Govrin, of the hospital in Nahariya that treated the woman, told army radio.

"The young woman went through surgery two years ago to have a larger chest," he said. "During the war she was wounded in the chest by shrapnel" that got stuck in the implants instead of penetrating further.

The woman did not emerge from her ordeal completely unscathed, however.

"The shrapnel was removed but the implant had to be replaced," Govrin said.

Torpedos indeed.

Wii vs Playstation 3

It's all about having fun, and getting the most bang for your buck. Nintendo beats out Sony in this round, unless Sony can come down on that price point. A lot!

Your past can and will haunt you.

In the summer of 2000, Melanie Martinez—who was fired a few weeks ago as the host of the PBS kids program The Good Night Show—responded to an ad in Backstage. Someone was seeking a “young-looking” actress who could play a short role in a public-service announcement.

Dressed as a goal-oriented Catholic schoolgirl, Ms. Martinez delivered such memorable lines as: “One thing I’m not planning on is getting pregnant. That’s why I choose anal sex. I mean, sure it hurts a little, and I wind up walking funny for a day or two. But I think my future’s worth it.”

Locusts, an idling school bus and chatty workmen wrecked the audio. “But Melanie was very consistent, very sincere in her delivery, and she didn’t try to camp it up and oversell the humor,” Mr. Mack said. The short was called I Have a Future, and Ms. Martinez was paid the going Screen Actors Guild rate of $500 for her work.

They shot a second short, called Boys Can Wait, in February 2001. In it, an actress playing Ms. Martinez’s mother gives her a purple dildo. She was paid an additional $500.

“I did them as an actor, and, you know, I thought they were really funny,” Ms. Martinez said. “It was on a really timely issue that was part of the current social climate, if you will, and I thought they were funny, and I did them because they were funny, and I knew that I could add my humor to it, and I did them.”

Ms. Martinez said she neither hid nor disclosed the existence of the faux-P.S.A.’s when she auditioned for The Good Night Show in 2005. Mr. Mack, who still exchanges Christmas cards with his former starlet, removed the spots from his Web site, technicalvirgin.com, in 2004.

Still, the P.S.A.’s found their way—as all things will, eventually—back onto the Internet, on YouTube and other sites. It was then that Ms. Martinez voluntarily told her bosses about the existence of the P.S.A.’s. She was fired six days later.

“PBS Kids Sprout”—an 11-month-old digital network that reaches 20 million homes—“has determined that the dialogue in this video is inappropriate for her role as a preschool program host and may undermine her character’s credibility with our audience,” was the official comment from network president Sandy Wax.

Here are the shorts in question:

• I Have A Future.


• Boys Can Wait.

One thing that can be said about management is that they don't have a sense of humor.

"When there is no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth."

Nicole Richie's weight battle has taken a turn for the worse, with the star being snapped looking positively skeletal.

With her ribcage protruding through her skin, the socialite and TV star had to hold up her American size 0 bikini which bagged around her wisp thin frame as she sunbathed on a beach in Malibu.

And it seems Nicole is not the only celebrity with a worryingly thin frame at the moment.

Pirates of the Carribean star Keira Knightley, was spotted in central London on Friday exposing an emaciated ribcage.

The 32A beauty admitted: "I haven't got boobs, I've got pecs."

The 21-year-old also recently complained when her breasts were digitally enhanced in posters to promote the movie King Arthur, in which she played Guinevere.

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

Negative Ghostrider, pattern is full.

• It's Photoshop Phriday.
  The Art of advertising.
  


• If it smells like fish...
  
  


• 10 creepiest advertising icons.
  Burger King wins.
  


• Darn those Revenuers.
  They gots my still, ma!
  


• Ride the Lightning.
  Feel the burn.
  


• Scientists test "anti-stupidity" pill.
  Here's your....pill?
  


• Getting a kick outta life.
  Sure beats a boot to the head. Er, nevermind.
  


• Arcade in a box.
  For the Mame freak in all of us.
  


• Proof that God loves us.
  
  

Friday FIREPOWER!

• Flying off into the sunset one last time.
  

  Atlantic Ocean (July 28, 2006) – Aboard USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71), an F-14D Tomcat assigned to the "Tomcatters" of Fighter Squadron Three One (VF-31), aircraft number 112, completes the final catapult launch of an F-14 Tomcat fighter aircraft. The last launch marks the end of an era for Naval Aviation. The F-14 will officially retire in September 2006, after 32 years of service to the fleet. Theodore Roosevelt is completing Joint Task Force Exercises with USS Dwight D. Eisenhower (CVN 69). U.S. Navy Photo by Mass Communications Specialist 3rd Class Nathan Laird

  
  
  

Maurice Clarett forgot Chris Rock's advice.

Maurice Clarett was arrested early Wednesday after a highway chase that ended with police using Mace on the former Ohio State running back and finding four loaded guns in his truck, a police spokesman said.

Officers used Mace to subdue Clarett after a stun gun was ineffective because the former Fiesta Bowl star was wearing a bullet-resistant vest, Sgt. Michael Woods said.

"It took several officers to get him handcuffed," Woods said. "Even after he was placed in the paddy wagon, he was still kicking at the doors and being a problem for the officers."

Clarett was taken to police headquarters to be interviewed. Police planned to charge him with carrying concealed weapons and other counts, Woods said.

After Clarett was placed in a police van, officers discovered a loaded rifle and three loaded handguns in the front of the vehicle, Woods said.

Clarett, 22, is currently awaiting trial on two counts of aggravated robbery, four counts of robbery and one count of carrying a concealed weapon in a separate case. Authorities said he was identified by witnesses as the person who flashed a gun and robbed two people in an alley behind the Opium Lounge in the early hours of Jan. 1.

He didn't follow these simple rules:
Obey the Law
Use Common Sense
Stop Immediately
If the police have to come and get you, they are bringing an ass kicking with them.

Sexy Songs Lead Teens to Have Sex

Teens whose iPods are full of music with raunchy, sexual lyrics start having sex sooner than those who prefer other songs, a study found. Whether it’s hip-hop, rap, pop or rock, much of popular music aimed at teens contains sexual overtones. Its influence on their behavior appears to depend on how the sex is portrayed, researchers found. Songs depicting men as “sex-driven studs,” women as sex objects and with explicit references to sex acts are more likely to trigger early sexual behavior than those where sexual references are more veiled and relationships appear more committed, the study found.

Teens who said they listened to lots of music with degrading sexual messages were almost twice as likely to start having intercourse or other sexual activities within the following two years as were teens who listened to little or no sexually degrading music. Among heavy listeners, 51 percent started having sex within two years, versus 29 percent of those who said they listened to little or no sexually degrading music.

Exposure to lots of sexually degrading music “gives them a specific message about sex,” said lead author Steven Martino, a researcher for Rand Corp. in Pittsburgh. Boys learn they should be relentless in pursuit of women and girls learn to view themselves as sex objects, he said.

“We think that really lowers kids’ inhibitions and makes them less thoughtful” about sexual decisions and may influence them to make decisions they regret, he said.

Do you know what sex after raunchy music leads to?

Yeah, I do! Kids, smoking, a desire to raid the fridge.

Cops quickly find stolen doughnut truck.

A stolen truck full of doughnuts? Better believe Tri-Cities police were on that in a hurry. Moments after the theft of the Viera's Bakery van was reported early Friday in Kennewick, police issued an all-points bulletin.

A Benton County sheriff's deputy quickly spotted the truck. After a chase at 30 to 35 mph, Richland police got it to stop and arrested the driver, Steve Swoboda, 19, for investigation of auto theft and felony escape.

Still intact was the entire load of glazed, sugar and cream doughnuts, as well as apple fritters, bear claws.

Cops quickly find a donut truck? Do I need to even make the obvious comment?

Learn to make 2X$Butt.

Because, making $Butt just sucks.

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

• It's Photoshop Phriday.
  Making life more difficult than it has to be...
  


• E3 as we know it is dead.
  So much for catering to the media.
  


• Fear in the workplace.
  Whistleblowing will get you 15 minutes on the news, and never being hired again.
  


• Rocket Boots.
  Gliding...with style.
  


• StarBlazers - The Love Boat remix.
  Wrong, just wrong.
  


• Use the forth....Lukie poo...
  
  
  
• 
  

Friday FIREPOWER!

• Things you can learn at a gun show.
  

  1000 rounds of 7.62 x 39 plus 500 rounds of 9mm are HEAVY. Anybody who thinks they are buggin’ out with beaucoups rounds of ammo has dulled their synapses with too much Kool-Aid. Either that or the tin in the foil is leaching into their brains and screwing with the wet works.
  
  Most exhibitors seem to think that women will mess up their merchandise. A man who would be an extreme gentleman under most circumstances sees a woman coming to his table and he turns into an old seadog that just found a woman on his ship complete with a black cat artfully poised to scamper across his path. Guess what exhibitors, when my wife takes your card and tears a small corner off it; she’s marking it as a “never darken his door step again” table.
  
  Never buy a part for your SKS that you know doesn’t fit right just because it’s cheap and you have a Dremel at home. Actually, I learned that the day after the show, but it still applies.
  
  Walking around with a gun to check for proper fit of components you are thinking of buying will get you many offers for said gun’s purchase and one guy who yells at you for not putting a sign on it saying, “not for sale.”
  
  Putting a sign on your gun that says, “not for sale,” will not stop people from asking you if you are selling your gun.
  
  Beef jerky purchased at gun shows is better than beef jerky purchased anywhere else.
  
  No matter how close you parked, it’s too far carrying 1000 rounds of 7.62 x 39, 500 rounds of 9mm, 30 stripper clips, half a pound of beef jerky, the guns you brought in, and the 10 other bits of crud you just had to buy before running across the ammo table with good prices.
  
  Strangers who ask me for advice are in dire straights.
  
  A place that has rows and rows (and rows) of Mags, Clips, and extensions will not carry Mags for the P-3at, any stripper clips, nor any +2 extensions for a remmy 870. But it will have 15 mags for a tec-9.
  
  When you have a wife who walks by a display of Shotguns and sees a Mossberg 500 with a breaching barrel and says, “Mommy like,” you have a good woman. When she walks by an AR-15 with an EOtech holo site, shoulders it, and says, “Mommy like,” you have a one in a million. When she passes a Barrett M82A1 and purrs, “Oh…Mommy Like!” …you are the luckiest man on the planet.

  
  The last gun show I went to, I was pleasantly surprised to see guns there. Usually, it is mostly mags, accessories, and jerky.
  


• How to tell the round count on a used AR-15.
  

  The AR15 is a very modular system. You can replace virtually any part in it with a brand new part very easily. As a result, just because one part is brand new doesn't necessarily mean the rest of the rifle is in the same condition.
  
  This guide concentrates on the bolt carrier group. This is for two reasons - one is that the bolt carrier group is a part that is critical to the function of any AR15, two is that the bolt carrier group is like the rings on a tree - it is one of the best ways to figure out the wear on an AR15.
  
  This is not an exact science. Using different lubrication, different amounts of lubrication or shooting under different conditions may cause you to have similar wear but with significantly less/more round count than the pictures here. However one thing that does remain constant is these pictures give you a good idea of wear on these parts over time and a rough idea of how much use remains in the part.

  
  

Going to Denver for a roast...

As more than 200 Denver- bound United Airlines passengers waited to board Flight 909 from Chicago on Monday, it became apparent that something was wrong.

The Boeing 777, parked at the gate at O'Hare International Airport, was extremely hot. As in 115 degrees. The plane's auxiliary power unit, which generates electricity when engines are shut down at the gate, was broken. That killed the air conditioning and triggered a five-hour ordeal for passengers and crew.

United officials had a dilemma: Figure out how to cool the plane in near 100-degree heat, then board the passengers and send them to Denver; or buy them hotel rooms in Chicago.

They chose the first option.

"I couldn't breathe; I thought I was going to faint," said passenger Sandy Ball, in seat 37C.

The plane was due to leave at 2:45 p.m.

Maintenance workers first tried to pump cool air into the empty plane at the gate. That didn't work. Then the crew started one engine, called for a push back and drove the plane away to get the temperature to a bearable level. That helped.

About 6:30 p.m., the big jet reappeared at the terminal and a growing gaggle of United officials told remaining travelers they would be boarding. The cabin still was hot, but once an engine was started, the temperature would drop.

By 7, all were on board, and the door closed. It was hot in the cabin, probably in the low 90s. Officials said they had extra water and juice, but instead of a bottle of water on each seat, there was a blanket.

Captain Michael Glawe gave an ultimatum to United officials: Get air hooked up for the start in one minute or empty the plane. He was worried about heatstroke in the cabin.

"I was right on the verge of getting everybody off the airplane," he said Tuesday. "The plane was so heat-soaked that it was going to be warm until we got to altitude."

Nothing like bakng inside a metal cylinder. I can only imagine that the beer farts would smell better than sweat hogs that came off of that plane. My body is much more tolerant of cold than heat, so I would be afraid that there would have been a 6'2" hole in the side of the plane. Maybe then, the air could start flowing again.

Plasmas are a girls best friend.

Diamonds are no longer a girl's best friend, according to a new U.S. study that found three of four women would prefer a new plasma TV to a diamond necklace.

The survey, commissioned by U.S. cable television's Oxygen Network that is owned and operated by women, found the technology gender gap has virtually closed with the majority of women snapping up new technology and using it easily.

Women were found on average to own 6.6 technology devices while men own 6.9, and four out of every five women felt comfortable using technology with 46 percent doing their own computer trouble-shooting.

Even shoes lost out. The study found 86 percent would prefer a new digital video camera to a pair of designer shoes.

The study found over the next five years women see themselves increasing their activities in six tech areas: digital cameras, cell phones, e-mail, camera phones, text messaging and instant messaging.

At least De Beers can't buy up all of the Plasma TV manufacturers....or can they?

Games in the movies

These sure as hell would beat such crap as Street Fighter:The Movie and Super Mario Brothers.