Knight jumps queen! Bishop jumps queen! Pawns jump queen! *Gangbang*!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Oh look, it's tropical storm Zeta.

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone woke up to find out Santa brought you just what you wanted (within reason, sheez).

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess.
Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah.
Clark: How'd you get through it?
Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.

You know, nothing puts me in the spirit more than National Lampoon's Christmas vacation. Who hasn't felt like the loveable loser that Clark is? Who doesn't have a Cousin Eddie buried somewhere in their family tree. So, with it being time for Christmas and New Year holidays, posting will be sporadic from here until next year. Enjoy!

• Lo, Saturnalia!
  Those silly pagans and their rituals. Let's take them over!


• SNL Raps Narnia.
  If you thought like me that SNL has long sense been funny, check this out.


• New Jersey tourist slogan search bars sarcasm.
  Nothing says pompous like the lack of appreciation for good sarcasm.


• Greenpeace versus an armed whaling convoy.
  Any bets on seeing activist sushi?


• Pot meets kettle in Florida email spam.
  I don't care who it is from, if it is unwanted, Spamkiller gets it.


• Don't piss off Santa wielding a Christmas tree.
  Bringing a shopping cart to a North Pole fight....idiots.

Friday FIREPOWER!
Stay safe this holiday season!

Fencing the border.

The Mexican government, angered by a U.S. proposal to extend a wall along the border to keep out migrants, has struck back with radio ads urging Mexican workers to denounce rights violations in the United States. Facing a growing tide of anti-immigrant sentiment north of the border, the Mexican government is also hiring an American public relations firm to improve its image.

Mexican President Vicente Fox denounced the U.S. measures, passed by the House of Representatives on Friday, as "shameful" and his foreign secretary, Luis Ernesto Derbez, said Monday the wall was "stupid."

"Mexico is not going to bear, it is not going to permit, and it will not allow a stupid thing like this wall," Derbez said.

Good thing this wall is on our territory then. Otherwise, it almost sounds like Mexico is looking for a fight.

Many Mexicans, especially those who have spent time working in the U.S., feel the proposal is a slap in the face to those who work hard and contribute to the U.S. economy.

He said many Mexicans felt betrayed by the anti-immigrant sentiment.

I don't think any of the honesty, hard-working Americans take issue with an immigrant that has come to the country legally. This sentiment isn't anti-immigrant, it is anti-illegal alien!

The House bill, passed on a 239-182 vote, includes a proposal to build 700 miles of additional fence through parts of California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas. It would also enlist military and local law enforcement to help stop illegal entrants and require employers to verify the legal status of their workers.

As demand goes down, the workers will look elsewhere. You have to ask why these people aren't heading south into Central America. On second thought, nevermind.

Mexicans are outraged by the proposed measures, especially the extension of the border wall, which many liken to the Berlin Wall. Some are urging their government to fight it fiercely.

Berlin wall was built to keep people in. Big difference.

Police discourage self-defense home invasion shootings

A Chandler homeowner shot and wounded a man who was trying to break into his house near Dobson and Pecos roads, police said.

Police gave this account:

Sagio Maurice Henry, 35, of Chandler, rang the doorbell of Cary Dennis' home around 1 p.m. Thursday, and then went to the back door, where Dennis saw him. Dennis went to get a weapon and returned to find Henry prying open a window.

Not there for a casual hello, I take it. Should have called 911 when he got the weapon, though.

After startling Henry, Dennis chased him outside and ordered him to stop. When Henry brandished a pickax handle, Dennis shot him once in the chest.

Okay, this is where I would have stayed inside and fortified until the police came. Under Florida law, chasing a fleeing felon to use deadly force is a no-no. However, apparently he was still on his property, and the felon did turn to present a valid threat. I wonder what he was shooting, if the guy got hit and was later treated.

Henry fled on foot and later was picked up by police at a Valley hospital. He was taken to Maricopa Medical Center, where he is receiving medical attention for non-life-threatening wounds in the jail ward.

"I am kind of still shaken up," said Dennis, who works in after-market auto parts. He would not talk further about the incident.

Police discourage self-defense home invasion shootings, Chandler police Detective Frank Mendoza said.

"We don't recommend handling things this way," Mendoza said. "Given the situation, he had plenty of time to call 911 and leave the home."

Okay, this is the part that really gets me. I can understand calling 911 when you got your weapon, but leaving the house? Who's to say he doesn't have a buddy or two waiting outside for the all clear? Sorry folks, Castle Doctrine. If you come in uninvited, you leave in a body bag.

Once his condition improves, Henry will be booked into Maricopa County jail and charged with one count of burglary, Mendoza said.

Police are not pursuing charges against Dennis, Mendoza said.

One more for the good guys, but WTF is that detective smoking!!!

Stop me if you've heard this. 40 Santas walk into a bar....

Forty drunken Santas rampaged through central Auckland, stealing from stores and assaulting security guards, the New Zealand Herald reported on Sunday, in a protest against the commercialization of Christmas.

Police said some of the Santas threw beer bottles, one tried to climb the mooring rope of a cruise ship and a security guard was punched during the fracas.

"They came in, said 'Merry Christmas' and then helped themselves," convenience store staff member Changa Manakynda told the Herald, which reported the Santas also attacked a Christmas tree.

The event organizer, Alex Dyer, had warned the antics would only stop when someone was arrested, said the Herald, which linked the incident to "Santarchy."

Santarchy (www.santarchy.com) and online encyclopedia wikipedia (www.wikipedia.org) record protests going back around 10 years in the United States, with participants marking Christmas in anti-commercial manner involving street theater, pranks and public drunkenness.

Police said identification was a key issue as they tried to sort out which of the 40 men and women had done what.

"With a number of people dressed in the same outfit, it was difficult for any witnesses to confirm the identity of who was doing what," Senior Sergeant Matt Rogers told Reuters.

Some people will use any excuse to get drunk and rowdy. Santarchy? Sounds like fun.

Do Japanese Brides Fart?

Trivia no Izumi (Fount/Spring of Trivia) outdid itself tonight, with a survey to find out when people who had been married for three years first heard their wife pass gas! They interviewed 1000 Japanese husbands by means of an internet poll, and as you can see in the pie chart on the right, almost half the wives (43%) couldn’t keep it in for more than a year. 29% first let rip in the second year, 16% avoided a bottom burp until their third year, and 12% of husbands have been spared their wives’ anal emissions.

For good measure, this segment of the show also had face-to-face interviews with some of the husbands describing the how and where of their wives’ flatulance, accompanied by their wedding photos, leaving their neighbours in no doubt who they were talking about!

Fark Comment: It's a known fact that women don't fart. They don't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up any pressure.

Just kidding. We all know what the survey results would be if they asked the wives about their husband's flatulence.

EDIT:

Speaking of, you may remember that I picked up a recipe for a faux Pho. Pho is a Vietnamese dish, mainly broth, meat/seafood, and noodles. Well, I was able to fix it over the cold and miserable weekend. It didn't turn out half bad, for the modifications I had to make due to missing ingredients. However, the gas production should lower the cost of crude for the next few days....

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

I'm gonna barbecue your ass in molasses! - Sheriff Buford T. Justice

• It's Photoshop Phriday.
  What a creepy bastard.


• Save a life today.
  Learn to give UPS!


• NCSoft 2, Marvel 0.
  

  In a Wednesday e-mail to many of the experts in the online game community, Greg Lastowka, an assistant professor at Rutgers School of Law, noted that "the terms of the settlement apparently allow the NCSoft character creation engine to stand, which is a victory for the players."
  
  But he also echoed von Lohmann's concerns.
  
  "However, Marvel's claims of player infringement have not been formally rejected by the court, which means analogous claims might be pursued by Marvel, or a like-minded company, in the future."

  
  Good news for the City of Heroes/Villians guys. Still can't forgive them for Issue 5 and E.D., though.


• In Japan, nothing takes precedence over a good shit.


• Computer spots a blockbuster from box office flop.
  Awesom-O 4000 unavailable for comment.


• Careful of who you meet on the internet.
  It just may be someone you get to know in ways you never want to.


• Lost...their damn minds.
  

  Seven "Lost" cast members have been cited by Honolulu police.

  Who can blame them? After being stuck on a island for so long, I'd be in a hurry to get somewhere else as well.


• Supervillians beware the minds of Fark!
  


• The Schizophrenic Muzak programming at work is the reason I wear headphones and listen to streaming audio. I heard the following, in a row, earlier this week while in training:
  
  Mamma Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys - Ed Bruce
  Joy to the World
  Bye, Bye Love - The Everly Brothers (all accordian, no less)
  You Can Do Magic - America
  Saved by Zero - The Fixx
  

Friday FIREPOWER!
I started my collection of handguns when I turned 21. Needless to say, that was some time ago. It was also during a time before the accessory rail became a popular option on handgun frames. So, I carry a Surefire flashlight as well as the firearm, occupying both hands. What if I wanted a laser as well? How about both?

For an older Glock, your option was pretty much only a recoil rod replacement like the LaserMax. However, now you can have a second option, Crimson Trace Lasergrips. I've mostly seen them on Berettas, but they are a nice option for the Glock. Gunblast has a current article on the Glock version. Take a look.

Also, the F22A is now fully operational. Only a dozen, but still, they can hopefully kick major ass. They already do on paper and in flight-sims.

Career Aptitude Test

Your ideal career path is: Shipping and Receiving

How sure are we?
BARELY

You like things to be orderly, but you also like to let loose and break out of the grind once in a while. You aren't into high-level thinking, but that doesn't mean you aren't clever in your own way. You aren't really a leader, but that doesn't bother you. You are happy to get in line and follow the crowd, as long as there's a frosty cold one waiting for you at the end of the day.

Garbage In, Garbage Out. Sounds like my coding.

EDIT: Notice the sound loading up? Pretty cool, eh? I'm following the lead of my buddy Ken. I'll get a smaller file out there soon, but I've loved "Late Goodbye" ever since beating Max Payne 2.

Mother of the year award.

Meet Tiffany Eagle and Ashley Tomaszewski. The two Indiana women went to Kokomo's Big Daddy's strip club early Sunday morning and proceeded to drink until they were plastered. While that's not a crime, the fact that the gals had left the 22-year-old Eagle's newborn son in an unheated car outside the topless joint is where the alleged felonious behavior comes in. According to a Kokomo Police Department report, the three-month-old baby (who was wearing a sleeper) was lying face down in the back seat of Tomaszewski's 1996 Oldsmobile. Cops reported the temperature outside at about 32 degrees at 3 AM, when they were called to the scene after a bar patron spotted the unattended baby, who was later examined at a local hospital and appeared unharmed. When interviewed by cops, Eagle (pictured below at left) claimed that she had left her son with a sitter, and that Tomaszewski, 21, had transported the child to the club. For her part, Tomaszewski, who blew a .28 on a Breathalyzer test, accepted no responsibility for the infant.

Hangin's too good for him!!

Burnin's too good for him!!

He should be torn into little bitsy pieces and buried alive!!!

I'll kill him!

KII - ILLL!!!

Don't ask where he keeps the tire pump.

A 40-year-old Orange Park man was arrested Friday afternoon after several residents along Doctors Lake Drive reported seeing him riding a bicycle naked from the waist down.

According to the Clay County Sheriff Office, James Bardroff was arrested about 4:15 p.m.at the Hideaway Trailer Park, where one of the witnesses had followed him. He was charged with breach of peace.

Several people told deputies they saw Bardroff riding a mountain bike in the 3800 block of Doctors Lake Drive with only a T-shirt on. One witness said he was holding a pair of shorts over his groin.

When questioned, Bardroff said he was wearing a pair of "short-shorts" which were inappropriate. He was arrested and taken to jail.

Or maybe he was just out trying to show off his Giant?

What type of humor do you like?

the Idiot Savant
(38% dark, 46% spontaneous, 63% vulgar)
your humor style:
VULGAR SPONTANEOUS LIGHT

You like things silly, immediate, and, above all, outrageous. Ixne on the subtle word play, more testicles on fire, please. People like you are the most likely to RECEIVE internet forwards--and also the most likely to save them in a special folder entitled 'HOLY SHIT'.

Because it's so easily appreciated, and often wacky and physical, your sense of humor never ceases to amuse your friends. Most realize that there's a sly intelligence and a knowing wink to your tastes. Your sense of humor could be called 'anti-pretentious'--but paradoxically enough, that indicates you're smarter than most.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Johnny Knoxville - Jimmy Kimmel




The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -

If you're interested, try my latest: The Terrorism Test

Richard Pryor dead.

Richard Pryor, the groundbreaking comedian whose profanely personal insights into race relations and modern life made him one of Hollywood's biggest stars, died of a heart attack Saturday. He was 65.

Pryor died shortly before 8 a.m. after being taken to a hospital from his home in the San Fernando Valley, said his business manager, Karen Finch. He had been ill for years with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease of the nervous system.

Pryor once marveled "that I live in racist America and I'm uneducated, yet a lot of people love me and like what I do, and I can make a living from it. You can't do much better than that."

But he battled drug and alcohol addictions for years, most notably when he suffered severe burns over 50 percent of his body while freebasing at his home. An admitted "junkie" at the time, Pryor spent six weeks recovering from the burns and much longer from his addictions.

The first time I heard of Richard Pryor was sneaking a listen to an LP that a friend had when I was very young. My first film exposure was Stir Crazy. Then The Toy, of which I remember and I think enjoyed the best. As I grew older, and cable television matured, I was able to catch more movies such as Car Wash, Silver Streak, and Greased Lightining. The advent of Usenet allowed exposure to previous works, in digital form. Once MS took hold, it seemed like he disappeared. I believe many thought he had died before now. How apropos that his last work was entitled "I ain't dead yet, motherf*ckers".

A fellow Farker used the below image....and I can't think of one that fits better.
Have a safe flight, Richard...

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

I shall taunt you...a second time-a...

• What Kind of Food Are You?

  You Are French Food

  Snobby yet ubiquitous. People act like they understand you more than they actually do.

  
  Bite Me. Hat tip Ken.


• It's Photoshop Friday.
  A plane...into the house....


• Air Marshal Kills Passenger, Citing Threat
  

  An agitated passenger who claimed to have a bomb in his backpack was shot and killed by a federal air marshal Wednesday after he bolted frantically from a jetliner that was about to take off, officials said. No bomb was found.
  
  The man, identified as Rigoberto Alpizar, a 44-year-old U.S. citizen, was gunned down on a jetway just before the American Airlines plane was about to leave for Orlando, near his home in Maitland.
  
  It was the first time since the Sept. 11 attacks that an air marshal had shot at anyone, Homeland Security Department spokesman Brian Doyle said.
  
  According to a witness, the man frantically ran down the aisle of the Boeing 757, flailing his arms, while his wife tried to explain that he was mentally ill and had not taken his medication.
  
  The passenger indicated there was a bomb in his bag and was confronted by air marshals but ran off the aircraft, Doyle said. The marshals went after him and ordered him to get down on the ground, but he did not comply and was shot when he apparently reached into the bag, Doyle said.

  I can hear it now. Why was he shot? Why wasn't he stunnned? Why wasn't he tackled? Why were we delayed? Why were we treated so badly? When the complaints start, I have something for the complainers...
  


• Europe at night from space.
  Smoking lamp is lit...


• Know where to sit on any make of plane.
  Sit down, shut up, and enjoy the flight.


• Send your name to an asteroid onboard a spacecraft.
  Phone number costs extra. E-harmony dot com unavailable for comment.


• Lion at Rome zoo treated for arthritis with injections of gold. Yelps "Au!"
  Fark headlines rule.


• Most popular Christmas light show this year shut down.
  If it is causing a nuisance to the neighborhood, then limiting it or shutting it down isn't quite a bad idea. I'm not being a grinch here, but if there are 300 cars lined up down your rural street, traffic is a bitch. There is the noise and litter that comes along with it. Heaven forbid if you actually have to get out and go somewhere. Public road means for everyone, not just the ones enjoying the light show.


• Cartoon Network pot ring shut down.
  Dexter's Meth Lab?

Friday FIREPOWER!
Shooting, Liberian Gansta style.

Images from the battle for Monrovia, Liberia, where use of iron sights is known to be strictly prohibited. Also prohibited are aiming, assuming a supported firing stance, and any common practice of marksmanship whatsoever. Hip-Hop/Rapper/Gangsta shooting stances are mandatory, the "Glock Foh-Tay" hold being the most popular. lethality is acheived by subjecting the target to a wide swathe of area fire, simliar to unaimed indirect artillery, or scaring the enemy away with gesturing and aggressive hip-hop style dancing while firing. Points are awarded for artistic effort, style, fearsome facial expression/vocalizations and blue duct tape.

Cue Kenny Loggins. Everbody cut Footloose!


Stop, hammer time.

Klaatu, Verata, Necktie! Nocti!.... No, that's not it... An N word, definitely an N word

Gimme some sugar baby.


Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hat tip to Ken for the link.

A day that shall live in infamy.

The 7 December 1941 Japanese raid on Pearl Harbor was one of the great defining moments in history. A single carefully-planned and well-executed stroke removed the United States Navy's battleship force as a possible threat to the Japanese Empire's southward expansion. America, unprepared and now considerably weakened, was abruptly brought into the Second World War as a full combatant.

Tis the season to be offended.

and that's why I like Santa...Because he's a fat bastard...works one day a year...eats all the cookies he wants...rewards the good and punishes the bad...kinda like a vigilante with gifts.

Listen to Foamy, he'll lay it down the way it is. Hat tip to Rez for the link.

He's just a squirrel, looking for a nut...

Squirrels have bitten to death a stray dog which was barking at them in a Russian park, local media report.

Passers-by were too late to stop the attack by the black squirrels in a village in the far east, which reportedly lasted about a minute.

They are said to have scampered off at the sight of humans, some carrying pieces of flesh.

A pine cone shortage may have led the squirrels to seek other food sources, although scientists are sceptical.

The attack was reported in parkland in the centre of Lazo, a village in the Maritime Territory, and was witnessed by three local people.

Misc. Friday Ramblings...

Stylin and Profilin.

• It's Photoshop Phriday!
  The animals are evolving....


• To be the man, you have to beat the man.
  WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!


• Happy Birthday SOHO.
  Revealing the secrets of the solar system, one star at a time.


• It's "Huge" condoms!
  Guys are always finding ways to lie about their size.


• That Christmas Light house is back again.
  I liked the Wizards of Winter version better.


• 12 satellite dishes going on 13.
  Hey ya'll, watch....um....these 5000 channels.


• Tropical Storm Epsilon.
  EPSILON?!?!?!? V'ger wanted for questioning.


• Cheater sues for being cheated of cheats.
  Strongbad unavailable for questioning.


• Obligatory Christmas cuteness...
  

Friday FIREPOWER!

• Could you make your own M41A Pulse Rifle?
  I'm thinking not, NFA rules and all, but damn would I buy one.


• AH-1W gunship video from Iraq.
  I have new respect for the wire-guided TOW missile.


• Start them young...
  


• ...but hope they keep their trigger discipline when older. Oh yeh, Beretta has a rifle called the Rx4 coming out.


• However, I care little, because the PS90 is coming. The Five Seven Forum has a sneak peek of an upcoming Shotgun news article on the PS90.
  

ASU Student Body President doesn't want girls posing for Playboy.

Arizona State University officials can't keep students from posing in pornographic magazines, but they can keep publications from using university logos.

After ASU women were featured in Playboy magazine's "Girls of the Pac-10" issue last month, ASU Student Body President Yaser Alamoodi suggested that the student code of conduct be used to prevent coeds from modeling for future issues.

"I'm not against people posing for this magazine by itself, but what I'm against is girls who pose with ASU running with a theme throughout the picture," he said. "It's a disservice to the students and an insult to all the effort we put in."

Administrators told him that they aren't fond of the issue either, Alamoodi said, but that the code cannot be used against consenting adults participating in off-campus photo shoots.

Nude pictorials and a recent ranking as one of the country's top party schools may prevent people from taking ASU seriously when it comes to academics, he said.

Go figure. A Yemeni national by way of Saudi Arabia wants to be able to tell women what they can and can't do. Oh yeh, that's progressive democratic liberal thinking there. Attention whoring. Perhaps he should clean up his own issues before worrying about others? Oh, that's right, he's into politics. At least he's starting out right.

Alamoodi: I'm all dangerous now. Man, I haven't gotten laid so much in my life as I did after 9/11.

NT: So all at once you were hot with white chicks after September 11?

Alamoodi: Girls always confuse sympathy with sex. And guys are always up for it. And I'm not gonna say no.

With that attitude, maybe he should go look up former ASU cheerleader Courtney Simpson (NSFW) to see how she's using the ASU logo. I hear she's available for the right price.