Cop fire for passively injesting cocaine?

From NY Daily News:

A decorated ex-cop who claimed he tested positive for cocaine because he ingested the drug during oral sex with his girlfriend can't have his job back, a Manhattan judge has ruled.

Supreme Court Justice Eileen Rakower last month shot down helicopter pilot Jon Goldin's attempt to overturn his April 2008 dismissal from the NYPD.

Goldin, a 15-year veteran, tested positive for cocaine in October 2006 in a random drug test using hairs from his arm.

Goldin - an adherent of the "straight edge" lifestyle that rejects substance use - didn't challenge the drug test.

He sued last year after a state appeals court rejected the NYPD's use of hair to test cops for illegal drug use.

"This is a very special human being who devoted his entire life to being a police officer," said lawyer Paul Goldberger. "He would no more use drugs than the man on the moon."

Goldin's lawsuit said the cocaine in his system was the product of "passive ingestion" from performing oral sex on girlfriend Coreen McCarthy, who, once he tested positive, admitted to him that she was a regular cocaine user.

"She never told [Goldin] about her drug use," court records say.

The couple met at a punk concert and, according to court records, they "would often sweat" while having sex "three or four times per week."

They split immediately once Goldin tested positive for cocaine.

More than 70 friends went to bat for the ex-cop, saying they had never seen him take even a sip of coffee and that he abstained at bars while others drank booze.

"Clearly the wrong result was reached in this case," Goldberger said. "This guy should be a cop."

Rakower ruled that even though the appeals court put a stop to hair tests in December 2007, Goldin's firing must stand because he voluntarily cooperated with the drug test and allowed hair samples to be taken from his arm.

The state's highest court Tuesday agreed to hear an appeal from the NYPD in favor of hair testing, which the city began using in 2005.

So, his excuse wasn't the only thing that didn't pass the sniff test.

Lonely? Feeling Randy? Try a pine cone.

From The Sun:

A SEX-STARVED woman has undergone a painful two-hour op to remove a giant PINE CONE.

Surgeons have revealed embarrassed spinster Mirjana Gavaric is recovering after getting steamy with the seedy item in the Serbian capital, Belgrade.

Dr Sava Bojovic explained: “She was lonely and she took a pine cone from a tree and unfortunately it got stuck and she needed surgery to get it out.”

By all accounts, she did have a TREE-mendous time with it though.

Mom of the year....so far...

From Schenectady:

The 14-year-old girl who jumped onto the trunk of her mother's car then fell off after the woman refused to take her and her younger sister for ice cream is on the road to recovery, city police said.

The incident, which unfolded outside the family's Foster Avenue home Tuesday night, has lead to felony charges against city resident La Tasha Daniels, 38. The county has also taken her three other children.

Police say the older girl suffered brain injuries after tumbling to the ground when Daniels slammed on the brakes after driving her Honda Accord about 200 feet away, police spokesman Sgt. Eric Clifford said.

Moments earlier, Daniels' other daughter, 12, had been thrown off the roof but was unhurt, Clifford said. She hopped onto the roof because she was upset that her mother wasn't taking them to the Stewart's store on Van Vranken Avenue for ice cream. Daniels had locked the doors before the girls jumped on the car.

Clean out that recycle bin, dog-gone-it

From The Smoking Gun:

Concerned that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography, the Indiana woman asked police to search the computer for illegal images, but had her plan backfire when cops discovered two videos of her engaged in illicit acts with a dog. Owen, 24, was charged last week with two felony bestiality counts in connection with the video files, which a detective found in the laptop's "recycle bin."

At the time Owen asked cops to search the computer, she was locked up in the Johnson County Jail on a public intoxication charge (which violated the terms of her release in a prior drunk driving case). According to a police affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, a cop told Owen that he had found videos of her on the laptop and asked if she "knew what those files might be." Owen, pictured in the below mug shot, replied, "The one with the dog." Cops believe that the dog in question, Toby, is a beagle. After asking if she was "going to be charged with this," Owen said that the videos "were just something she did when she was drunk and barely remembers it," adding that she tried to "delete them the next day when she was sober."

This quack has gone to the dogs...

Proving the adage "a fool and his money"...

From New Jersey:

A Green Brook resident who owns a 2008 Porsche 911 Turbo has filed suit against Circuit City and an employee for causing $50,000 in damage to the car, which had been brought to the store for a stereo installation.

In the suit filed in the Civil Division of state Superior Court, Luke Liang said he brought the vehicle valued at $185,000 to Circuit City on Route 28 in Bridgewater on Oct. 18, 2008 for an audio installation.

After he handed over the car for the work, Brian Murphy, a store employee, drove the car without permission in the parking lot and struck a curb, the suit states.

The "joyride,'' as the suit characterizes the action, resulted in $50,000 in damage, including the "destruction'' of a wheel and tire, scratches and a broken suspension system.

The suit notes that Circuit City's rules prohibit employees for taking vehicles for test rides after audio installations.

Liang claims in the suit that the incident lowered the car's value by $50,000.

The Circuit City store closed earlier this month after its parent company filed for bankruptcy.

Good luck getting money from a bankrupt store and an out-of-work install tech.

St. Patrick's Day. It isn't about the green beer ya heathens.

Saint Patrick's Day (Irish: Lá ’le Pádraig or Lá Fhéile Pádraig), colloquially St. Paddy's Day or Paddy's Day, is an annual feast day which celebrates Saint Patrick (circa AD 385–461), one of the patron saints of Ireland, and is generally celebrated on March 17.

Saint Patrick's Day is celebrated worldwide by the those of Irish descent and increasingly by non-Irish people (usually in New Zealand, Australia, and North America). Celebrations are generally themed around all things Irish and, by association, the colour green. Both Christians and non-Christians celebrate the secular version of the holiday by wearing green, eating Irish food and/or green foods, imbibing Irish drink (such as Irish stout, Irish Whiskey or Irish Cream) and attending parades.

St. Patrick's Blue, not green, was the colour long-associated with St. Patrick. Green, the colour most widely associated with Ireland, with Irish people, and with St. Patrick's Day in modern times, may have gained its prominence through the phrase "the wearing of the green" meaning to wear a shamrock on one's clothing. At many times in Irish history, to do so was seen as a sign of Irish nationalism or loyalty to the Roman Catholic faith. St. Patrick used the shamrock, a three-leaved plant, to explain the Holy Trinity to the pre-Christian Irish. The wearing of and display of shamrocks and shamrock-inspired designs have become a ubiquitous feature of the saint's holiday. The change to Ireland's association with green rather than blue probably began around the 1750's.

In the past, Saint Patrick's Day was celebrated as a religious holiday. It became a public holiday in 1903, by the Money Bank. (Ireland) Act 1903, an Act of the United Kingdom Parliament introduced by the Irish MP James O'Mara.[14] O'Mara later introduced the law which required that pubs be closed on 17 March, a provision which was repealed only in the 1970s. The first St. Patrick's Day parade held in the Irish Free State was held in Dublin in 1931 and was reviewed by the then Minister of Defence Desmond Fitzgerald. Although secular celebrations now exist, the holiday remains a religious observance in Ireland, for both the Church of Ireland and Roman Catholic Church.

It was only in the mid-1990s that the Irish government began a campaign to use Saint Patrick's Day to showcase Ireland and its culture. The government set up a group called St. Patrick's Festival, with the aim to:

—Offer a national festival that ranks amongst all of the greatest celebrations in the world and promote excitement throughout Ireland via innovation, creativity, grassroots involvement, and marketing activity.
—Provide the opportunity and motivation for people of Irish descent, (and those who sometimes wish they were Irish) to attend and join in the imaginative and expressive celebrations.
—Project, internationally, an accurate image of Ireland as a creative, professional and sophisticated country with wide appeal, as we approach the new millennium.

Christian leaders in Ireland have expressed concern about the secularisation of St Patrick's Day. Writing in the Word magazine (March 2007), Fr. Vincent Twomey stated that, "it is time to reclaim St Patrick's Day as a church festival". He questioned the need for "mindless alcohol-fuelled revelry" and concluded that, "it is time to bring the piety and the fun together".

It isn't about green beer and getting shit-faced, ya heathens.

It's just one of those days...

All Tapped Out.

From FOXNews:

A $300,000 Ferrari collided with a Porsche, crashed and broke in half on an Orange County roadway Saturday, killing one person and injuring another, police said. The driver of the Porsche was later arrested.

The martial arts clothing company TapouT confirmed that co-founder Charles "Mask" Lewis died in the car wreck shortly before 1 a.m. Wednesday in Newport Beach. Police say the Ferrari apparently collided with a Porsche and spun out of control

Lewis was a co-founder of the company and was known for signature facepaint stripes on his face. The firm says in a statement that a memorial is being planned.

The two cars were speeding north on Jamboree Road in this wealthy city when the crash occurred shortly before 1 a.m., Lt. Craig Fox said.

A patrol officer saw the red 2004 Ferrari Modena and a white 1977 Porsche coupe swerve out of control, Craig said.

"We believe they were going fast based on the skids and the damage to the vehicle," Fox told KABC-TV. "But we can't speculate at this point if they were racing or not."

"Apparently they had collided and this was the aftermath of the collision," Fox said.

Catbong

From Yahoo News:

This March 1, 2009, booking photo provided by the Lancaster County Sheriff's Dept., shows Acea Schomaker of Lincoln, Neb. He was booked Sunday on suspicion of animal cruelty, after deputies caught him smoking marijuana from a bong contraption that had a cat stuffed inside its 12-inch by 6-inch base. Schomaker told Lancaster County sheriff's deputies the 6-month-old female cat named Shadow had been hyper and that he was trying to calm her. Shadow was taken to the Capital Humane Society, where she appeared to be in good condition.

When chimps go bad

From The AP:

Travis the chimpanzee, a veteran of TV commercials, was the constant companion of a lonely Connecticut widow who fed him steak, lobster and ice cream. He could eat at the table, drink wine from a stemmed glass, use the toilet, and dress and bathe himself.

He brushed his teeth with a Water Pik, logged on to a computer to look at photos and channel-surfed television with the remote control.

But on Monday, the wild animal in him came out with a vengeance.

The 200-pound animal viciously mauled a friend of his owner before being shot to death by police.

Investigators are trying to figure out why — whether it was a bout of Lyme disease, a reaction to drugs, or a case of instinct taking over.

In recordings of calls to 911 dispatchers released Tuesday, Travis' grunts can be heard as a frantic Herold cries that her pet is "eating" Nash and must be killed. The attack lasted about 12 minutes.

"The chimp killed my friend!" says a sobbing Herold, who was hiding in her vehicle. "Send the police with a gun. With a gun!"

The dispatcher later asks, "Who's killing your friend?"

"My chimpanzee!" she cries. "He ripped her apart! Shoot him, shoot him!"

After police arrive, one officer radios back: "There's a man down. He doesn't look good," he says, referring to Nash. "We've got to get this guy out of here. He's got no face."

Police said that Travis was agitated earlier Monday and that Herold had given him the anti-anxiety drug Xanax in some tea. Police said the drug had not been prescribed for the 14-year-old chimp.

In humans, Xanax can cause memory loss, lack of coordination, reduced sex drive and other side effects. It can also lead to aggression in people who were unstable to begin with, said Dr. Emil Coccaro, chief of psychiatry at the University of Chicago Medical Center.

"Xanax could have made him worse," if human studies are any indication, Coccaro said.

Stephen Rene Tello, executive director of Primarily Primates, a sanctuary for chimps in Texas, said it is difficult to say what effect Xanax would have on a chimp, but he noted that chimps and humans have similar physiology.

Investigators said they were also told that Travis had Lyme disease, a tick-borne illness with flu-like symptoms that can lead to arthritis and meningitis in humans.

"Maybe from the medications he was out of sorts," Stamford police Capt. Richard Conklin said.

Teaching the oldest profession

From The AP:

Authorities say an Ohio fourth-grade teacher had a side job as a prostitute, and even skipped class after using a school computer to arrange an afternoon tryst at a motel.

Logan County sheriff's officials say 35-year-old Amber Carter was arrested Tuesday at a motel parking lot in Bellefontaine (behl-FOWN'-tin) in central Ohio. She's charged with misdemeanor prostitution and a felony, unauthorized use of property, regarding the computer.

Bellefontaine City Schools Superintendent Larry Anderson says officials are shocked. He says Carter never received a reprimand in 13 years at the district.

She's now on administrative leave.

Gives a new meaning to social networking. Wonder if she was on Facebook.

Forget the gun, grab the calzone

From MSNBC:

A former Brooklyn mobster turned pizza proprietor under federal witness protection has blown his cover because he couldn’t take criticism for a bad calzone, the Daily News reported.

Joseph Milano, aka Joey Calco, aka Crazy Joe of the Bonanno crime family in Brooklyn has been arrested in Florida for assault and firearm possession by a convicted felon, officials said.

On Jan. 23, a camera caught Calco jumping over the counter of his pizza shop, Goombas, to attack two customers who had complained about their calzone, they said.

Afterward, local newspapers investigating the incident discovered Calco’s true identity. Calco was spared a life sentence for turning on his boss Anthony Spero, but he served a total of nearly eight years for crimes, that included two years for admitting to a pair of murders in 2004.

U.S. marshals and New York prosecutors are said to be determining whether to keep Calco under witness protection or lock him up again.

You can take a goombah out of...aw, nevermind...

Woman assaulted after blocking video game

From DesMoines Register:

Officers arrested Isac Benjamin Pettinger, 21, of 1221 E. 28th St., on charges of domestic abuse with injury, false imprisonment and obstruction of emergency communications.

Police said it all started with a video game. Here's the report:

Lacey Proctor, a 20-year-old massage therapy student, "reported that she was assaulted tonight (Monday) by her former live-in boyfriend, Isac Pettinger. Proctor said they had lived together at 1221 E. 28th St., until approximately a month ago when she moved out. Proctor said that tonight Pettinger invited her over to the house so that they could spend some time together.

"Proctor said she became frustrated with Pettinger as he would not stop playing video games. Proctor said she stood in front of Pettinger, blocking his view of the screen. At that point Pettinger's video game character died and he became very angry."

Police said he pushed her into a chair and straddled her, preventing her from getting up. He allegedly punched her in the side of the head with a closed fist. The victim yelled for him to get off but he refused.

She eventually escaped ran to a bathroom, police said. Pettinger reportedly followed her and attacked her again, beating her head against a wall. When she tried to get away, Pettinger allegedly said, 'You're not going anywhere."

Proctor reached for a cell phone and called 911. Police said Pettinger grabbed the phone and disconnected it. He called her a "cop-calling (expletive deleted)."

Police said Proctor grabbed her phone and finally was able to leave the house. Police dispatchers called her back and she met with officers at a nearby convenience store.

Must have been a raid night. *shrug* If she really wanted his attention, she should have stood in front of him nekkid. Sex > Games (most of the time).

Boot to the head

Via UPI:

A footprint imprinted onto the face of an assault victim in Salford, England, may lead to the capture of the victim's assailants, police say.

Police said Wednesday the injury to 33-year-old Johnathan Robinson's forehead clearly shows the imprint of a shoe or boot worn by one of the men who attacked the bar owner this week, The Daily Mail said.

Robinson was attacked Monday by four assailants while leaving his Golden Lion bar and robbed of nearly $3,600 of his bar's earnings. One of the assailants stomped on Robinson's face during the robbery, prompting the bar owner to lose consciousness.

After Robinson's body was discovered, he was taken to an area hospital for treatment for various injuries including a broken leg.

While police are treating the attack as an attempted homicide, Robinson says he is simply ready to put the entire incident behind him.

Mondays

Ever feel like you are just an inanimate object floating through a void of nothingness, getting pounded by debris, never moving on your own, held in the same motion or place by an invisible hand? No? Just Me? Figures. *shrug*

The perils of hair styling

From Metro UK:

It's a medical mystery that surgeons never got to the bottom of in a hospital casualty room - how a woman patient ended up with a can of hairspray up her backside.

Mirela Gradinaru, 37, turned up at the clinic in Arad, western Romania, in agony begging doctors to help her.

But she refused to say just how the can came to be there even after a successful, delicate operation to remove the aerosol.

Doctor Mirandolina Prisca explained: "We had X-rays done to localise the object and then we carried out the operation. The patient was fine after it."

"She was very embarrassed. She was clearly in a lot of pain, however it got there.

"This was not just a little can of deodorant, this was a massive can of hairspray," said one hospital worker.

So, there was this can of hairspray, and I tripped while hair styling, and it just went right on in. Yup, that's the story.

Gimme back my kidney, biatch!

From NY Daily News:

Richard Batista can live with his broken heart. He just can't bear his cheating wife living with his healthy kidney.

The Long Island doctor wants the one-time love of his life to pay $1.5 million for the organ he bestowed on her eight years ago in a gift meant to save her life and their foundering marriage.

Batista charged his wife, Dawnell, repaid his gesture by first sleeping with her physical therapist - and then denying him access to their three kids in an increasingly bitter divorce.

Adding to his anguish, Batista insists his decision to donate his kidney in 2001 was in part a failed effort to rescue their troubled relationship.

"My first priority was to save her life," the 49-year-old doctor said. "The second bonus was to turn our marriage around."

Successful surgery followed at a Minnesota hospital on June 28, 2001. Batista said he was looking forward to happier times with his now-healthy bride - but his hopes proved futile.

"Nothing changed," he said.

Batista insisted his cash-for-kidney claim was a direct result of his wife's behavior. He said he hasn't seen his three daughters - ages 14, 11 and 8 - in months.

"This is my last resort," Batista said. "I didn't want to be in the public eye."

Despite the animosity, Batista insisted he would donate the kidney all over again to his hopefully soon-to-be-ex. He fondly recalls a visit to her room on the day after surgery.

Asking your boss for time off to see the big game.

A veteran Florida congressman wants a break after only two days back on the job. Republican Cliff Stearns says he wants to go to a football game in Miami on Thursday.

Stearns has written to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi asking her to move votes scheduled for Thursday evening and Friday so House members from Florida and Oklahoma can go to the Bowl Championship Series national title game between No. 2 Florida and No. 1 Oklahoma.

Pelosi's office says she won't agree to the request. Among the votes to be considered Thursday afternoon is certification of the Electoral College vote that gives Barack Obama the presidency.

Stearns didn't attend the University of Florida in Gainesville but it's in his district. The game is being played in Miami.

That congressional job getting you down? That's okay, nothing important to do there. Are you ready for some football?

Woman Asked To Smell Husband's Genitalia

From MSNBC:

An arrest warrant has been issued for a man accused of assaulting his wife after she asked to smell his genitalia to find out if he was cheating on her, according to a police report obtained Wednesday by WPBF News 25.

The 37-year-old victim told Port St. Lucie police her husband of three years punched her in the face and kicked her in the arms and legs Monday night after she accused him of having an affair.

The victim said she told her 25-year-old husband to display his genitalia while he was using the bathroom "so that she can smell it," the report stated.

As she attempted to smell it, he punched her in the mouth and kicked her after she fell to the floor, the report stated. He then ran from the scene.

Police said they took photographs of the victim's injuries and that she became uncooperative when told a warrant would be filed for her husband's arrest.

I don't know. This all sounds a bit fishy to me. It just doesn't pass the sniff test.

Survey: Many would take Internet over sex

From CNN:

Nearly half of the women questioned by Harris Interactive said they'd be willing to forgo sex for two weeks, rather than give up their Internet access, according to a study released Monday by Intel, which commissioned the survey.

While 46 percent of the women surveyed were willing to engage in abstinence versus losing their Internet, only 30 percent of the men surveyed were willing to do likewise.

The U.S. survey, which queried 2,119 adults last month, found that the gap grew even wider for both men and woman who were 18 to 34 years old. For woman, the percentage of those willing to skip the sheets in favor of the Web rose to 49 percent, while it climbed to 39 percent for men.

And for women 35 to 44 years old, the figure jumped to 52 percent.

And TV, which has been losing its share of eyeball time to the Internet over the years, found that the majority of adults would be willing to forgo two weeks of watching TV versus losing one week on the Internet.

Of course when it comes to TV, perhaps size matters, at least according to a different survey earlier this year of Britons conducted by electronics retailer Comet. Almost half of the men polled said they would give up sex for six months in return for a 50-inch plasma TV, according to Reuters.

Well, this is interesting. I guess folks don't realize that the internet is for porn, thus you can get sex (at least with yourself). :P